Persevering with Grace When Our Leaders Let Us Down

Well … I tried my best to present a new teaching this afternoon in a sensitive, biblically-faithful, honest, gospel-focused way:

Persevering with Grace When our Leaders Let Us Down: As wonderful as headship is (and it is wonderful!), our leaders are not perfect. No matter how hard they try, their leadership of us will always be flawed. They may misunderstand us, take offense at something we do or say, or simply not like our personality. In their fallenness and sin, they may actually wrong us intentionally. Often, they hurt us most deeply by their neglect—they fail to give us the proactive attention and care we long for. So how do we respond? And how do we lead other women who are hurt by our leaders? This seminar will explore some practical ways that the gospel enables us to persevere with grace when our leaders let us down.

I have to tell you … I was shaking in my Keds as we got started.

What a hard topic to try to tackle! What suffering was represented by the women in that room! (Either their own suffering or the suffering of women they know, serve, and love.)

The pain in the room was palpable. But so was the grace.

We talked very honestly about the extraordinarily painful suffering that women often face as a result of conflicts with their leaders–and yet time after time, these dear women were affirming the goodness and sovereignty of God, how merciful He is to them and how they are called to give that same mercy to others (even to leaders who hurt them so terrifically).

I was SO honored to be with these women! And we just barely scratched the surface of this topic.

– How it is always a shock when we’re hurt by a Christian—all the more so when it’s someone in authority over us (who is supposed to protect us and not wound us).

– That we are not responsible for the things done TO us, but we ARE responsible for our response. (Because whatever this leader has done, it is only the occasion, NOT the cause of our response.)

– Sometimes we make idols out of even good things—like being treated well by our leaders. And we sin when we don’t get what we want! An act of punishment, a demand for vengeance, or lasting bitterness always reveals the presence of an idol.

– I encouraged them all to read Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s latest book, “Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom” because it is a profound book on bitterness and forgiveness.

– Our leaders are in progress too. The doctrines of justification (2 Cor. 5:21, once and for all, already perfect) and sanctification (Phil. 2:13 & 1:6, Rom. 8:29, an ongoing process until we reach Heaven, growing in perfection) apply to leaders too.

– Most of the time, we will be called to suffer well and persevere in these difficult and painful relationships. But sometimes, we will need to move out from under corrupt and unrepentant authority.

– When helping people in this painful situation, there is often a tendency to point a finger at the person in the weaker position rather than sin and/or immaturity of the leader. But it is not enough to only confront the weaker partner, we also need to confront the leader.

There was a lot more to the teaching, of course. But I need to sign off now–so I’ll share the two quotes that ended the workshop.

The first was from Ligon Duncan and Susan Hunt’s wonderful book, “Women’s Ministry in the Local Church”:

“If our ultimate motivation for service to God is simply because we love people, we will never be able to sustain the call to service that God has given to us because the very people we are called to serve will break our hearts. It is only the grace of Christ that enables us to persevere.”

And I gave the final word to D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones:

Amen!

And thanks, dear women at this conference. I appreciated your patience as I fumbled a bit walking through a new teaching AND your deep love for God, His Word, and His Bride.

Signing off now and hoping to get some sleep–

(Baby started kicking last night around 3AM! It was SO STRANGE–wonderful, but strange. I guess since it’s been over five years since I felt that feeling, I just wasn’t ready for it. But wow! What a good thing to be woken up by.)

Sending you my love,
Tara B.