How do we just GET OVER IT?!

I received an email last month and did my best to encourage/help in my reply … and I thought that our exchange might be a blessing to some of you. So, having removed all identifying information and cleaned it up a tad, here it is.

(Oh, and I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on these questions too! What would YOU have said to her? How would you have encouraged her?)

Joy to you, my friends!
— Tara B.

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Tara,

Once again you hit the nail on the head! “Ultimately, we need to remember that our leaders have a right to be wrong.” I certainly am convicted for my lack of respect. I’m not sure what that balance is in my secular workplace–it’s my first experience with one, but I believe it’s different than what I’ve been doing.

I also wondered if you had any resources for leaders who have been very wrong, and can’t get over it! I’m working on it.

I used to work for a Christian employer. I hurt some coworkers very deeply. I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to confess my sin to them–a good friend helped me right away. I quit my job at the end of the year, but I also would have been strongly encouraged to do so even if I didn’t decide that, but that’s another story. I was treated very unprofessionally by my supervisors, but one was going through some major life trauma. What a mess! And Satan definitely moves in to make the most of it.

I’m glad I quit my job–it wouldn’t have been good for me or my coworkers to stay, and I couldn’t have taken the unfair pressure put on me by my boss. I just don’t know how to work through this so that I can minister or do other fulltime church work again. Maybe I’m just too impatient, for God is definitely healing me and has blessed me during this time. Perhaps that’s it, after all. More time in the Word, patience, and simply serving where I am planted. So simple yet hard to do sometimes.

Thank you for letting me vent this to you. I’m sure you receive many e-mails so I don’t mind if another staff member reads this 🙂 , or if you don’t have time to reply. God’s richest blessings on your life. May he continue to guide you and direct you in ways of reconciliation through Jesus Christ. Remember that first and foremost you are a very much loved child of God!

With thanksgiving,
Theresa K.

Dear Theresa,

What a blessing to hear from you! Thanks for the encouraging words—and also for sharing with me of how the Lord is ministering to you and through you, especially concerning these authority ‘challenges.’

Re: your questions/comments …

I know it can be very hard to genuinely respect a lot of people in leadership. The ‘Peter Principle’ is all too true way too often of the time.

If it helps at all, I want to encourage you to pray for a gracious and submissive heart TO GOD. Remembering that it is ultimately GOD Who is in control and in absolutely authority; and it is GOD who ordains authority; and that it is my DUTY BEFORE GOD to submit to authority (because in doing so, I really submitting to GOD and trusting GOD) … well, reminding myself of these biblical truths has proven quite helpful over the years. (Not that I don’t have a TON of growth and learning still to do. I do!)

I would also encourage you to consider asking your husband (if you are married), children (if any), friends, colleagues to help hold you accountable. It seems to me that there is nothing like a ‘whine fest’ to bring out the worst in our fallen hearts—especially when it comes to maligning our leaders and complaining about our bosses. I would ask for help! Ask them to gently confront you / remind you. Meditate on Ephesians 4:29. Ask yourself, ‘If my words were painted on a highway billboard, how would I feel?’ and ‘If my boss heard this, could I in the NEXT sentence share Christ with him/her?’

(Eek! I’m convicted even as I type this. Man! We are all desperate for the Savior, aren’t we?)

Specifically concerning ‘getting over’ being hurt/treated unprofessionally by supervisors … hmmmm …. Well, if you’ve ever listened to any of my teaching tapes, you know that you’re talking with someone who spent YEARS struggling with bitterness and anger towards Christian leaders who really (really!) hurt her …. So I guess I would encourage you to dig deep into God’s Word specifically concerning what BIBLICAL PEACEMAKING steps God may be calling to you faithfully try (no matter how THEY respond, at least you’ll know you obeyed God). Also, I’d dig deep into scriptures and biblical helps on SUFFERING and GOD’S SOVEREIGNTY. Lastly, I would encourage you to seek biblical wisdom (James 3!) as to the IDOLS that are ruling in your heart. (For me, for a LOOOOOOOONG time, I was really bound by making an idol out of JUSTICE. I wanted justice. I wanted vindication. I wanted the wrongs righted and the bad people to have their badness shown and STOPPED. I wanted good things—but I wanted them too much.)

Hope this is helpful in even a tiny way to you—I’m sure you probably know this all already, but I did want to do my best to respond to your questions.

Thanks again for the sweet encouragement!

Sending you my very best—

In Christ our Joy,
Tara B.