Don’t discount PMS / hormones … (but don’t use them as an excuse either!) …

I had a horrible day yesterday. One of my lowest in a long time.

The last week grew progressively more difficult/challenging and then a surprising and sad event Saturday morning knocked me completely off my feet. Onto my face, again I fall.

There are many observations I could make about the combination of factors that went into my (inconvenience? suffering? sadness?) experience, but I’ll just note these few:

1. I think that my hormones are REALLY out of whack. I looked at the calendar and this will be my second cycle since the miscarriage and MAN–I just feel OFF. I’m tempted to not even mention that because I don’t want to sound like a whiner or use hormones as an excuse for sin or unbelief … but my dear (wonderful! wise! thinks she might be perimenopausal) friend reminded me at church today that PMS/hormones can be a great window into our hearts. We “can’t” keep it together during those times; our “areas in need of further sanctification” come out; and boy! We really need to gear up for the battle of faith’s fight against sin when we know we’ll be struggling with them.

2. Mercy really does triumph over judgment. Fred was just SO merciful to me–all day long. He left me alone. He came to me. He counseled me. He was silent and just let me cry. I am very, very grateful for Fred.

3. When someone is graceless to me, I am always tempted to be graceless right back. They stand and condemn me and I just want to pull away from them and thus, condemn them too. THANK GOD for repentance to say, “No!” to such a selfish response to relational suffering. I’m shaking. I’m sad. But I am striving to persevere in living out what I claim to believe in (yet another!) difficult relationship. (Oh! How MUCH I wish I were more like Samara or more like Fred—so easy to get along with; so happy and friendly and sweet. Everyone loves them; everyone wants to be their friend. Me? I just walk into a room and people are let down / hurt / offended / critical. BLECH. Some days, it’s just hard to keep trying.)

4. I freak out and feel most hopeless when I see no chance for CHANGE. When I look ahead to the future and it’s just more of the current, more of the same … I despair. But God says that HE is the one working to bring HIS will to pass. That change is the NORM for a Christian. That even my sin and stupidity and fallenness and failures cannot thwart HIS glory and HIS power and HIS purposes. And so … there is always, ALWAYS, hope.

(Guess it didn’t hurt that our sermon today was on hope in suffering too, eh? 🙂 )

If you’re having a wonderful day …
If you’re scared and rejected and lonely yet again …

Happy, sad
Loved, despised
Wanted, rejected …

Whatever this life is bringing you this very day–
Know that if you are in Christ, you ARE a new creation.
The old HAS gone and the new HAS come.

You ARE already!
And you are NOT YET.

But in Christ–all of God’s promises are YES for his children.

Hope for the day.
Hope for the day.

Sending you love from my bruised, but still beating, heart–

Your friend,
Tara B.