Today I had the joy of spending time with a friend who is working hard to prepare for a hard conversation she needs to have with someone she loves. My friend is praying. She is seeking wise counsel. And as our conversation developed, I encouraged her to remember the Peacemaker Ministries’ PAUSE Principle of Negotiation because it is so on-point to her efforts to listen well, communicate care and respect, and also effectively communicate her thoughts and concerns. One nuance I did suggest that she might want to consider was the idea of waiting a bit, allowing some time to pass, taking a step back BEFORE communicating her response to…

I am mulling and praying over content for a new women’s retreat and as a part of my studying, I’m reading old (really old!) speaker notes from events in my past. I came across this little excerpt and thought it might be a blessing to any of you who are currently struggling with bitterness: Sometimes the waves of grief and sorrow (that used to come upon my every day, but now happen only rarely) come over me again … and they sometimes give way to anger, resentment, bitterness, and even hatred. Just last month, I was again struggling with bitterness. It was awful and I was miserable! Fred said “I’m…

Ken Sande has a great blog post over at Route 5:9 that I encourage you to read—especially if you’re struggling a bit right now because someone is mad at you for something you honestly can’t recall: Apologize? For Something That’s Not True? (I Think) He gives lots of sage advice in the post, but let me tempt you to read the entire article by quoting a brief excerpt: “To put this another way, when dealing with other people’s negative recollections of the past (even if they are somewhat distorted or exaggerated), I’ve found it is rarely profitable to try to persuade them that their recollections are false. That’s like pounding…

And Kevin DeYoung hits it out of the peacemaking park  with this post too: All Out of Whack  

Michael Hyatt beautifully exegetes a peacemaking truth in this brief  post: Ten Difficult — But Really Important Words  

‘Where this discipline of the tongue is practiced right from the start, individuals will make an amazing discovery. They will be able to stop constantly keeping an eye on others, judging them, condemning them, and putting them in their places and thus doing violence to them. They can now allow other Christians to live freely, just as God has brought them face to face with each other.   The view of such persons expands and, to their amazement, they recognize for the first time the richness of God’s creative glory shining over their brothers and sisters. God did not make others as I would have made them. God did not…

I’m processing through my notes from Ajith Fernando’s Reclaiming Friendship: Relating to Each Other in a Frenzied World and I am a) inspired to keep striving to be a better friend; and b) grateful, grateful, grateful for the women in my life who have pressed through all of the difficulties associated with being a friend to me—and have loved me with grace. A few random notes from my reading … – Most of us don’t seem to have time for long conversations … and yet, Christian truth has a qualitative and experiential aspect to it. Truth can be enjoyed only if we are willing to linger with it, to ask…

I’m trying to “finalize” (hah! does that ever REALLY happen for an extemporaneous speaker like me?) my speaker notes for the biblical peacemaking session of my new fear retreat (“This Relationship Stresses Me Out!”) and I was curious as to what YOU would say are the SCARIEST aspects of each of The Four G’s. You know … what are you afraid of when it comes to glorifying God in a conflict? Confessing your part of a conflict? Confronting someone else? Forgiving the person who has wronged you? I have my ideas of course, but I’d love to hear your thoughts. What stresses you out about peacemaking? (As always, feel free…

Kevin DeYoung has a great post up right now that is convicting, but helpful too: Distinguishing Marks of a Quarrelsome Person I won’t restate his entire post, but will instead encourage you to click through and read it for yourself. Here are a few of the “distinguishing marks” he mentions, though: – You defend every conviction with the same degree of intensity. You don’t talk about secondary issues, because there are no secondary issues. – You are quick to speak and slow to listen. You rarely ask questions and when you do it is to accuse or to continue prosecuting your case. You are not looking to learn, you are…

“Mastery in the emotional domain is especially difficult because skills need to be acquired when people are usually least able to take in new information and learn new habits of response—when they are upset. Coaching in these moments helps. Anyone—an adult or fifth grader—needs some help being a self-observer when they’re so upset. Your heart is pounding,  your hands are sweaty, you’re jittery, and you’re trying to listen clearly while keeping your own self-control to get through it without screaming, blaming, or clamming up in defensiveness.’ Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman (Another great reason to host a Peacemaker Ministries’ conflict coaching and mediation training event at your church or ministry,…