You Don’t Have to “Get it Right.” We’re Not Standing Back and Judging You. We’re Your Family.

If you’ve ever attended my standard women’s retreat, then you know that I usually mention in my opening session how I’m a women’s event skeptic
(As a regular speaker at women’s events, believe me, I’m keenly aware of the irony.)

But I have to say, the more I have the privilege of gathering with God’s women to learn from them, laugh with them, and just go through life with them? The less and less skeptical I am.

Take last night for example. Our church had a baby shower for a wonderful young woman and as usual, the ladies did a great job decorating, provided nummy treats, a fun game, thoughtful devotionals and prayers, etc. etc. It was “typical” and mundane, and yet holy all at the same time.

Why do I use the word holy? Because holy means lots of things (sacrosanct, set apart, inviolable), but one aspect of its definition also is, “a sacred place of pilgrimage.” And women’s events are GREAT for reminding us a) that we’re on a pilgrimage; b) that means we’re not alone (others are on that pilgrimage too); and c) this world is not our home.

Let me give you just a few examples from last night:

1. The mothers who gave the little devotions (who were FANTASTIC by the way! Christ-centered, “real,” humble, HYSTERICALLY FUNNY at times and thoughtful and “deep” at other times) were all mothers of ONLY BOYS (just like the mother who was being honored at the shower). Oh, friends! The lives of my friends with boys are just SO DIFFERENT from my life with two little girls. Not better or worse—just different. And it was so good to be reminded of these miraculous creationally-based differences in real life. Boys are boys and they are a blessing! But they are not girls.

Attending the shower last night was a great reminder of the vows I have taken for those covenant children. And hearing from those moms gave me another precious reminder of my commitment to encouraging them as they grow to be godly men—and a reminder that I need to purposefully train Sophie and Ellie to do the same. It’s not enough to “just” raise them to be biblical women. I must also be encouraging our young men in their journey to be biblical men.

2. To exist and grow and strengthen, real relationships must overlap in various and diverse situations over various and diverse time frames. That’s how we move people out of the “boxes” we’re so tempted to keep them in. (“Pastor is only a great theologian and a profound thinker. Nope. He also rocks out on the guitar and has a roaring sense of humor.” “She’s the woman who always struggles with overeating and depression. Nope. She’s also the woman who will greet you with a kiss and give you the shirt off of her back if you have a need.”)

When we play a bib-and-onesie-based-game-of-“BINGO” at a baby shower (or cheer a softball team or run an errand for a friend who is home with a household of sick kids), we remember that we’re all on this pilgrimage called LIFE together. We’re just like each other in so many ways; and our differences enrich our lives. (The wealthy family has struggles and suffers. The poor family does too. The single woman values homemaking and is a genius with newborns. The nerdy guy does the best impersonations you’ve ever seen. That super quiet woman who never speaks up in a group? Hours FLY by in a BLINK in her kitchen because she is fascinating and brilliant and humble and wise.)

People are complex and interesting. And even we introverts are blessed, truly edified and blessed, when we get to spend time with them.

3. I simply cannot overstate how profoundly I was impacted by what one mother shared about some of the, ummm, challenges and lessons their family is facing as their children grow up out of the young, elementary ages and head toward young adulthood. Her wisdom regarding parenting is truly “wisdom from Heaven” to quote James 3:17 (“pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere”). I could listen to her speak for hours and I could tell you a hundred things she said, even though she only spoke for a few minutes. But I’ll just close with this one thing she mentioned, kind of as an “aside” comment (it wasn’t even one of her “main points”).

She talked about how she and her husband are encouraging their sons to not fret or worry when they make mistakes (or even fail entirely) in various areas of life. That failure is a part of life—we all fail at times. (For some of us? LOTS of times.) And we don’t have to be ashamed or hide or worry that people are standing back, pointing a finger, laughing at us, judging us, ridiculing us, “because that’s just not what family does.”

Be it our moms and dads and brothers and sisters, or our spiritual family in the church, we are here for one another. We help one another. Pray, encourage, bless, serve, accept, protect one another. There is room for failure (we all fail!). We’ll be patient as you grow. We’re not going anywhere. You don’t have to get it right and have your act together. (None of us has our act together!) We’ll help you. We love you. We are your family.

Isn’t it obvious why I think I’m going to have to rewrite my standard retreat opening to call myself a “recovering women’s event skeptic”? 😉

Thank God for the local church. (And thanks, ladies, for yet another wonderful baby shower!)

Blessings to you and yours—

In Christ,
Tara B.