When to Warn Someone …

Have you ever gotten into a situation that you KNOW you could have avoided if someone had just given you accurate information and warned you to STAY AWAY(!)? I’m thinking in particular here about jobs, relationships, hiring someone to do some work around the house or for your office building, etc.

Why do you think it is that people don’t warn one another?

– We don’t want to be gossips or have loose lips. Who wants to talk about someone’s weaknesses? That’s no fun! Plus, who knows? Maybe that person has grown? Maybe they have changed? Who are we to say? (So we tell ourselves, “It would be gossip to say that” or “I’m sure they’ll figure it out on their own.” And then we keep our mouths sealed even though we are fairly certain it is to someone’s peril. This troubles me greatly. I wonder … is that wise? Is that loving?)

– We don’t want to get CAUGHT being the person who warned someone off. Ahh. Now we’re getting closer to the nut of it, aren’t we? Especially if it’s a friend—we don’t want to see her get hurt BUT we don’t want the other person to know that WE were the ones who said, “Ummm. Be careful. When we dated, he inappropriately tried to …” OR, “Yeah, so, well, if he does that household repair for you, be aware that when he did it for me, he was often late, unprepared, and the job ran three times as long as his estimate.” (So do we warn the other person but beg them not to “let on” that it was us?)

– We fear what the other person might do to us. Yes. I think there is a lot of truth in this one. For example … let’s say a young Christian attorney worked for a firm owned by an older, well-respected, self-described “Christian attorney” who was a bigwig in all of that “Christian stuff” that goes with being a well-respected, self-identifying Christian professional. But the young attorney observes things that (hypothetically) make her uncomfortable. She gently and respectfully asks questions and her discomfort is not eased. And so she resigns. Quietly. Not wanting to wake the beast and have this giant, powerful man “take her down” as it were. BUT THEN. What if another young, bright, Christian attorney calls her up and says, “I heard you worked there. Wow! It must be AMAZING to work for a CHRISTIAN!! Tell me all about it. Should I work there?” What does one say? How does one respond? You know. Hypothetically.

I suppose it is a matter of wisdom and prayer and always erring on the side of, “I will only say privately what I would say publicly and have broadcast out under my name and published under my signature.”

It’s hard though, isn’t it?

Once I received excellent counsel from someone re: a job I was considering taking. I was shocked by what I heard—-I had no idea! The public face looked so different from the private face this person had experienced for years and years. But this person had no ulterior motive in reaching out to me. In fact, she was ostensibly putting herself at risk by calling me. But she knew my level of integrity. And she knew that I would not be there long. And she didn’t want to see me uproot and begin to tie into this employer, being fairly certain I would soon have to resign by my own convictions.

To this day, every time I think about her courage and love (and, yes, how careful she was in her speech), I am grateful. And I pray that I will be similarly full of care AND full of courage to speak out and warn someone when my conscience so convicts me.

SDG!

May God grant us all wisdom from Heaven—

Yours,
Tara B.