Normalizing

I’m prepping a date night with my sweetie, so I will keep this super brief and hopefully come back to this topic again before too long …

Today I was reminded of just how good (safe, hopeful) it is when someone normalizes whatever it is we are going through at the time. For example:

– You are angry? You should be angry! This is a horrible thing. I’m mad with you! (But then, of course, moving towards a godly and wise response …)

– Oh. Yeah. You had an anxiety attack. They are terrifying. I know what that’s like. I, too, thought my husband would need to call 9-1-1. Yup. That’s how I felt—I thought I was dying. I had no idea what was happening. It came from completely out of the blue. Have you ever heard of an anxiety attack? Is that a new term for you? Let me help you to learn more about it and let’s get in touch with some people to help you (friends, spouse, pastor, medical doctor).

– A child who attempted suicide? A mentally ill parent? Crushing consumer debt? Your husband is a pastor and he’s addicted to p*orn? You’ve had a suicidal thought? You’re overindulging in (television / reading / exercise / prescription drugs / alcohol / work)? Everyone thinks you have the perfect, happy, Christian marriage, but you’re on the verge of divorce? One of your children is struggling with (cutting, sexual temptation, depression, unbelief, love of the world, really darkly-themed music) … Oh, friend. You are not alone. You are not a freak. You are not the only one!

And then, yes, of course … beyond normalizing and beyond empathy, there may be counsel and confrontation and practical help and getting help from others with training and expertise. But first? There is the kindness of normalizing and relating and being a fellow human being interacting with a fellow human being. Call it what you will—friendship, mercy, a therapeutic moment. It is good. And I am grateful!

I truly hope and pray for each one of you reading this blog that you will know that whatever your struggle, your “dark place,” your hidden thing, your area of shame … you are normal. Not alone. There is help and hope! In Christ alone and in many of his children you will find many people who stand ready to walk with you.

Much love and g’nite!
— Tara B.