Thank God for repentance! Thank God for His mercies! I was tremendously blessed, yet again, by a “Slice of Infinity” (Ravi Zacharias Ministries’ ezine) written by the amazingly gifted Jill Carattini. I urge you to read her essay and sign up today to receive this daily devotional. It’s the one email devotional I read every day!   Read Jill’s essay here: Why am I the Way I Am?  

Picture your most cherished sin. (Come on–admit it. When do you say, “I know it’s wrong but I don’t care. I’m going to do it anyway. I’ll repent later. God will forgive me. It’s not that bad.”) Now picture this sermon illustration from Pastor John Piper: ‘The attempt to find happiness in life by pinning your hope on something other than obedience to Jesus is like a lamb trying to satisfy its thirst at the nipple of a mother wolf. The source of your brief satisfaction will eat you for supper when evening comes.’ What sins are “eating you for supper?” I am so convicted by this sermon (The Spirit…

Last night I had to have a serious talk with my husband, Fred. I had known for a long time that I needed to confess some things to him–but I was dreading it and didn’t want to face up to the blackness of my wicked heart. So I avoided the conversation and grew more burdened and depressed with each passing day. I had a hard time worshipping God. My time in the Word grew shorter and shorter. I felt disconnected from my husband and friends. (Wonder why?!) And I was just basically in the pit. Sad, dark, weary, lonely pit. Thank God! ‘When I kept silent, my bones wasted away…

Tonight Fred and I were talking (again) about my struggle to forgive some people who have hurt me. At one point during the conversation, I asked him, “But if I forgive them, then won’t I be giving up the one thing I have on them?” “What do you mean?” Fred asked. “Well, I can’t hurt them like they’ve hurt me or restore what was taken from me (I don’t have the power, resources, or authority to do so). I can’t make them understand the depth of suffering they’ve caused me and cause them to grow in compassion and love. I can’t force them to change or grow or help me…

Last week my dear friend, a devoted atheist/anarchist, told me that recently he had a strange dream involving horrifying demons trying to drag him to Hell. He remembers thinking (in the dream), “I should pray!” But then he remembered, “But I don’t believe in God. I have no one to help me.” What a terrifying realization. No one to pray to. No one to help me. No hope. I think it was an essay by C.S. Lewis that I read back in college where he wrote about how even the most devoted Believer, at times, struggles with thoughts such as, “Is there even a God?” And likewise, even the most…

Yesterday, Sophia Grace (my sixteen month old) learned the word, “Mine!” So now I have front row seats to a dramatic, live production of James 4, verses 1-3: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something and do not get it. So you kill and you covet because you do not get what you want.” In this passage, James reminds us that, so often, when our desires (even good desires) are elevated to demands, and our demands are not met, we will often punish the people in our lives. In effect, we sacrifice them on the altar of…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is to give grace to people, especially Christians, who hurt us. I see this in my own heart and it (rightfully) shames me. Why is it that I can share the gospel of grace with unbelievers, with family members who hurt and reject me for decades, and with strangers … but when it comes to that sister in Christ, or that pastor—the one who has hurt me and “repented,” but our relationship is still strained … why do I struggle to live grace, acceptance, genuine kindness, mercy, and love to them? -Is it because I want them to hurt like…

Last night I had a disturbing dream about a certain person with whom I have a relatively strained relationship. I would like to have a better relationship with her, but honestly, I don’t. In the dream, I was yelling at her and speaking rudely to her in a harsh, critical, and judgmental manner. And then she died. Right then. Right after I was treating her so unlovingly. I remember in the dream trying to defend myself to the people around me: “She came around and forgave me right before she died!” I self-protectively explained. (Yeah, right. I just didn’t want people to think less of me–even in my dreams, my…

My husband Fred and I don’t have many fights. We just have the same fights over and over and over again. “Oh, yeah, here comes fight number 37, whipping around the bend … we know this script by heart …” – He tries to say something important but doesn’t quite get the words right. – I’m ‘the verbal one’ and words are important to me. His words, meant to bless, hurt me. – He tries to clarify and “fix things.” – This comes across as backpedaling and feels insincere to me. (I.e., “You must have really meant what you said the first time because otherwise why would you have said…