Christians have suicidal thoughts. You are not alone. There is help.
So today’s Ravi Zacharian International Ministry’s devotional taught me something that I never knew before …
Dr. Zacharias himself wrote the message today. It is entitled, ‘Our Father the Weaver’ and I would post it here if their copyright so allowed, but it doesn’t. Sorry!
Dr. Zacharias has long been one of my favorite theologians/authors—but other than years of study and growth in grace, I really didn’t have any ‘inside scoop’ as to his biblical precision, humility, hopefulness. Until today.
In today’s devotion, he granted us all a glance into one of the sources of his deep faith in God’s sovereignty even in the midst of terrific suffering. You see … Dr. Zacharias attempted suicide as a teenager. I had no idea.
He writes:
‘Allow me to share a story from my own experience. As one searching for meaning in the throes of a turbulent adolescence, I found myself on a hospital bed from an attempted suicide. It was there that I was read the 14th chapter of John’s Gospel. My attention was fully captured by the part where Jesus says to his disciples, “Because I live, you shall live also” (John 14:19). I turned my life over to Christ that day, committing my pains, struggles, and pursuits to his able hands.’
Oh! How quickly my heart jumped with a sad and yet joyful leap into remembering that dark night years ago when I seriously considered ending my life. (I have only had this experience once, and like Dr. Zacharias, it was when I was a young person. The pain was so great! I couldn’t breathe. The suffering seemed endless. I couldn’t go 24 hours without weeping to the point of wretching. I thought that I could not bear it—and I couldn’t. So my beloved friends helped me to remember that I was the one BEING held by God. And then they physically held me too. And I survived the dark night of the soul—but I knew then that I would never be the same. And I haven’t.)
As I thought about this dear, precious brother in Christ—now a great man for Christ, then a scared child attempting to end his life—I wondered how many Christians have had their lives touched by suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, or actual suicide. How many families? Churches? There must be millions and millions. (I can think of many even as I type this.)
How much wisdom comes through suffering!
How much the saints throughout the ages have grown in grace–but through a fire.
This life is so hard!
Suffering in the church, in Christian families, in Christian lives … well … it just rips us to the core.
Emotional pain translates into physical pain and darkness overwhelms.
But God IS good.
ALL the time.
(It sounds trite, but it isn’t. It’s TRUTH. And our Only Hope!)
And He gives us His Body to care for us—especially when we can’t go on in and of ourselves.
The Body comes down to our level and lifts up our hopeless, beaten, broken lives.
Sadly—and I know this first-hand—all too often we are beaten down by other Believers. For who can wound us like a brother or sister in Christ? No one. No one at all. For I expect betrayal and meanness from unbelievers. But Oh! The pain is great when it is you, my brother, my friend. ‘One with whom I walked with the throngs in the household of God’ (Psalm 55) … when our dearest beloved attacks and betrays us? It is a SHOCK. Always a shock.
But God is SO good.
Every moment of every day.
He is with us.
And this is enough.
Yeah, though He slay me … I will trust in Him.
Please, God, please keep my heart fixed on YOU.
And please help us all to carry one another’s burdens–and carry each other!–especially when we are crushed (but not destroyed).
And PLEASE, dear one–if you are having any thoughts of suicide, GET HELP NOW. Tell someone. Dial 9-1-1. Go to your nearest emergency room.
You are not alone. Suicide is not the answer. There is help for you!
With sober concern and much love,
Tara B.
[A re-port from 2006]