Would YOU go to this retreat?

So I’ve been working on a brand-new retreat and the event host has been incredibly patient as I’ve tried to figure out what in the world I’m trying to pull together. (Thanks again, Liz!)

Today I emailed her some (very rough) brainstorming / off the top of my head thoughts in response to some of her questions … and I’d be curious to hear what YOU think about what I said. (I’ll copy a small portion of our email exchange below.)

Thanks for letting me know if YOU would want to go to a women’s retreat like this.

“Question: Tara, have you found the Friday night, Saturday day schedule pretty successful? One church that has hosted events for their church and the community commented that competition is stiff these days and their Saturday only event recently was more well attended than Friday night Saturday day ones. Do you have any insight into this?”

“I think that weekend-long events (Fri & Sat or Fri-Sun) work GREAT when they are positioned as ‘get away from it all’ and ‘come and let US take care of YOU’ real retreats. (Retreat from your normal responsibilities; retreat TO the LORD!) In those situations, especially after years (decades) of blessing the socks off of women, the husbands in the church are ready every year to take over all of the home/child responsibilities (it becomes a part of the culture of the church); the church is ready with funding to bless the single women and single moms and widows who could not otherwise attend; and those events are almost always HUGE. They involve deep theological training; true/beautiful/God-centered worship; fun activities like hiking or scrapbooking or shopping or movies; sometimes they have silent auctions (to benefit a ministry and get lots of GROOVY super fun cool stuff to the ladies really cheap); healthful (and splurgy) yummy food; LOTS of fun giveaways & retreat materials (bag/t-shirt/notebook, etc.); truly relaxing things like massages, manicures, pedicures; and trained women available to do peer/lay counseling, pray with people. (Much more, I’m sure, but that’s all that’s coming to me off the top of my head.)

In those situations, getting people to want to attend is not a problem. But even then, I think those kind of retreats are much more attractive to the stay-at-home mom and the random-thinking, creative, fun relational, artistic types. Lawyers and doctors and consultants who fly out of state very week Mon-Thur might still think, ‘not for me, thanks.’

So, I can completely see the ‘draw’ of a one-day event and I’m doing more and more of those lately. Schedules are tight and it’s hard to get away. Plus, a lot of women are simply retreat skeptics these days. They don’t like women’s events. They don’t particularly like women. They find the ‘fluff’ of women’s stuff to be a stupid waste of time and they’d rather be out there doing ‘real ministry.’ A lot of women are lonely, but they have no interest in working to develop real relationships (because they don’t see the value) and even if they’d like some friends, they often have NO idea how to grow a genuine relationship. Most of the books and speakers marketed to women are either garbage (bad theology / Man-centered / felt-needs psychobabble) OR (in my humble opinion) a tad bit dry, boring, NOT fun, and often focused only on the ‘biblical manhood and womanhood’ aspects of ‘womanliness’ (like submit, be a good wife, raise your kids, keep a hospitable home … ALL important goals! Our joyful duties, in fact! And churches should be training us up in them. But do you ever get the feeling like a) those duties are presented in limiting, ‘you can’t do THIS you have to do THAT’ kind of ways’; and b) for those of us who are already convicted from Scripture of our duties, we’re not THAT highly motivated to listen to another weekend-long teaching on even as important a teaching as it is?)

You know, I only started attending women’s events because I was convicted from Scripture that my doing so was a part of Body Life. That one way I was a good neighbor to my sisters in Christ was to slow down and get to know them. Spend some time with them. RELAX. Tie a fuzzy quilt or do some stamping (still bizarre, strange and kind of scary things to me—but I’m trying).

Over the years, I have found that most women’s events skew toward ‘good teaching but not a lot of fun’ or ‘blah teaching but super fun.’

If I were ever running a retreat (which I HIGHLY doubt I will ever do), I would hit for these goals and emphases:

1. Biblical, God-centered teaching that makes the gospel PRACTICAL TO REAL LIFE (speaks to the women WHERE THEY ARE);

2. God-centered corporate worship and prayer;

3. Private time for the women to REST and REFLECT (sleep if they want to!); pray, get into Scripture (either alone if that’s their preference or with a friend if they are social bugs who do better talking this stuff out);

4. Corporate SMALL-GROUP times that build relationships within the CHURCH (and also help the leadership team to know what ministry needs are out there and need attention);

5. In addition to plenary sessions, have interesting and applicable to real-life workshops for both ‘drivers’ and ‘artists’ the like.

(For instance, I’d have a ‘Tara-type’ teach a little session on organizing with Microsoft Outlook / lists / hanging file folders / Quicken, whatever; AND an artist-type teaching knitting, painting, stamping, whatever groovy thing they’d like. I’d have an athletic-type do a fun session on stretching or pilates or nutrition (like a teaching on what to do in a health food store where ‘grew up on white bread & bologna’ types like me often WANT to shop but have NO idea where to start); and a spiritually mature woman available for teaching//DISCUSSION on biblical womanhood or quiet times or FAMILY WORSHIP or whatever. OOOOH – another one I’m thinkin’ would be a HIT is the whole idea of ELECTRONIC SCRAPBOOKING. This year will be my first ‘double-stick-tape-FREE scrapbook because I found the BEST way to ‘publish’ my family’s scrapbook/photo album and it’s SO easy and economical and FUN. I bet that would resonate with some women and that you already have women doing that in your church/presbytery.)

My theory is that if you put a godly, wise, passionate woman in a room talking and discussing something that lights her up? Well – it’s going to be a great time.

6. FUN: hiking, movies, MASSAGES (they can pay for them or the retreat can hire/underwrite the cost of a masseuse for the day and interested women can put their names in for a drawing or just sign up or whatever); facials / hair / nails / time to SHAVE (!!); movies, book club type discussion, crafts galore, whatever.

So in your event’s situation, it seems to me that you could advertise for a RETREAT but structure it so that if people just want to come on Saturday, they will still be blessed. I.e., put the ‘meat’ of the teaching in your original times but ‘add on’ a Friday night teaching with FUN stuff for those would like that. Just brainstorming …

OK. Those are my thoughts at this time. They have changed SO MUCH as I’ve gone to bunches of bunches of retreats in the last five years. In general, I’d probably be the kind of retreat attendee who would be THRILLED to just sit on a chair for six hours while Dr. Welch teaches/exegetes Scripture. BUT … I’ve also learned that people are DIFFERENT and it’s good to try to bless all of the attendees–not just the ones who are like me.

So what do you guys think of my ideas for a new women’s retreat? Would YOU go to this retreat?

Thanks for sharing your counsel! 🙂

Blessed Sabbath to you & yours!
— Tara B.