Today

Today was the first day in a week that I didn’t wake up sick and then spend the next fifteen hours doing my best to fulfill my duties all while fighting a headache, fever, nausea, and clammy, dizzy exhaustion. All of that would’ve been unpleasant at home in my bed–but flying a family across a continent and then spending five days in theme parks, water parks, and teaching at this conference? Well.

Let me just say that I was a blessed woman today to be able to walk around in daylight without the pain of a spike going through my eye and forehead. And wow! It’s a lot easier to stand for hours when you’re not doubled over or running to a restroom. SO … all that to say … it was a really nice day and I was feeling grateful!

But then I made the mistake of checking my email. Yup. Waiting for me was NOT an encouraging “thanks so much for trying and doing your best Tara even though you were obviously so sick” note. Nope. None of those.

Instead, I have the joy this evening of prayerfully striving to respond with a gentle heart toward a difficult email.

(Man. This life really is nothing but a constant death, isn’t it?)

Sure, there are moments of happiness (Soph’s bright eyes and infectious giggles from the day still make me smile). We have slight seasons of pleasure and comfort; grace and gentleness; kindness and charitable presumptions.

But then, this side of Heaven, there will always be these challenges. So I am praying that God will grant me a heart to respond with gentleness, humility, patience, kindness, and great love. I am praying with the psalmist:

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.” Psalm 73-25-28

I must admit, though, that it’s a drag and I wish that rather than wading through this, Fred and I were enjoying our one date-night-night of this trip.

But still! What a blessed gal I am! So much to be thankful for. And of course I’m 100% willing and eager to apologize to whomever I’ve offended. I want to do everything I can to make it right.

But it’s hard to keep it in perspective, isn’t it?

That’s my battle tonight and I think it’s going to require some time in the Word and prayer to remember the Truth and the true palette of my life–my identity–who I am and what my life is like (and how it is NOT determined by what others say about me).

OK. Enough processing. Time for more praying. 🙂

Hope you didn’t have any email surprises waiting for you tonight!

We’re a tired but relatively happy Barthel crew around here–

Sending you love,
Tara B.