The Remnants of Shame

You know … the longer I live, the more convinced I am that there really is only one battle in all of life. It is the battle; the battle of the ages. And we just live it out over and over again in various contexts—the privacy of our own thinking; our relationships at work and in the home and in the church; when we’re happy and fulfilled; when life kicks us in the gut. Again.

Who are we? Who is God? How are we made right with God? What does it mean to be “good”? What does it mean to be “good enough”—worthy. Not rejected. Not despised. Not “bad” or “dirty” or “unclean.” Not “better than” her or “judged by him.”

When do we get to just be? Wholly ourselves. The good and the bad. The beautiful and the ugly. Forever safe, wanted, loved, cherished, protected, sought-after, Hepzibah—delighted in by the Lord?

There is only One Way. One Place. One Person. And the one fight we keep having, over and over again, is this:

Will we put all of our effort, striving, will, affections, intellect, confidence in the finished work of the Righteous Son of Glory? Or will our eyes be forever glued on us and on our performance and thus, on our shame—our never-quite-good-enough-ness?

(Or, even more terrifyingly, will we go throughout our lives thinking we are good enough? That we are better than everyone around us? That we have the right and the power—and even the DUTY—to judge and criticize the people in our lives who just don’t measure up. Like we do.)

Oh, friends! Don’t you see how both responses are simply flip-sides of the same coin?

– A too-low view of God
– A too-high view of self

If we forever condemn ourselves for our sin, unbelief, laziness, badness—then we are failing to appropriate the Good News that Jesus is Our Savior and Lord. He lived the life we could never life. He died the death that we deserve. He fulfilled the wrath of God on our behalf. Christ alone is worthy of never being rejected or abandoned or mocked or put out … and yet He was all of those things in order to save to Himself the children of God. And that is what we are!

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God … ” Ephesians 2:4-10 ESV

And the flip-side is the same!

If we forever believe that we’re not that bad. If we never feel the weight of our shortcomings because, compared to so many others, they’re really no big deal. If we are confident that we spend enough time in God’s Word and we pray enough and we give enough and we are “not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector” (Luke 18:11) … then our works-righteousness fails to appropriate the Good News of Jesus Christ just as blasphemously, just as wickedly, just as faithlessly. (But oh! We sure think we look good while we’re doing it, don’t we?)

God’s Word says differently. Compared to the righteousness, holiness, perfection, awesomness of the eternal Triune God:

“All our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.” Isaiah 64:6

“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” 1 John 1:8

“If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?” Psalm 130:3

But there is forgiveness with God. And there is more! Forgiveness would be enough. Too much. Too wonderful to behold. Completely undeserved. Beyond what we could ever dream or merit. But God does even more for His covenant children … He makes us His covenant children. He forgives us AND He adopts us. He saves us from Hell AND He gives us all of the rights of heirs. Our place in His Kingdom is secure—and our place in His family is secure. He will never abandon or forsake us. He will never put us outside of our home with Him.

Because we are such great people? So faithful? Godly? Loving? Wise?
 

No. No. No a thousand times no!

Because He is a faithful God Who will never break His covenant to Himself? And that covenant was secured with the Blood of the Lamb without blemish—the Son of God Who takes away the sins of the world?

Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!

This is the battle of the ages. Will we believe truth more than our feelings and inclinations? Will we face our badness head on (no more excuses, no more blame shifting, no more minimizing)? And run, full strength, into the arms of our Shepherd, Savior, Redeemer, King—and Friend? (Who, by the way, already has His arms around us because He climbed into our miry pit and has been holding our head above the water … giving us even the very breath and life and grace to REPENT and BELIEVE!)

Ed Welch says it so well in his Shame Interrupted: How God Lifts the Pain of Worthlessness and Rejection:

“The remnants of shame still cling to us, but they are losing their grip. We still fail. In our relationships, we can be rejected, ignored, and discarded. We can be betrayed by our spouses. We are the targets of anger, which is almost always demeaning. But we are growing. Our interest in how we treat others is threatening to overtake our concern about how others treat us. We are learning where to turn when shame comes knocking. We are learning to turn to the one who adopts outcasts and never minimizes our pain. That simple act honors God and undercuts shame’s strategy of turning us inward …

No longer does failure, sin, or victimization keep us in shame’s purgatory. For us “Help” is becoming the language of the kingdom rather than the language of darkness and shame.

We are living proof that “he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).

Meanwhile, as the kingdom of heaven breaks into our hearts more and more, we all wait for heaven itself …”

Amen and Amen!

“I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually
be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the
humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and
let us exalt his name together!

I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered
me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and
their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and
the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The
angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and
delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man
who takes refuge in him!” Psalm 34:1–8

PS
If I hadn’t already committed to serve at a women’s conference on the dates, I would have made every effort to attend this year’s CCEF (Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation) Conference on Guilt and Shame.  I hope someone is liveblogging it! (And that you can attend if at all possible.) I’m sure it will be wonderful.