The Heaviness of Sin & The Hope of Forgiveness

Last night I had to have a serious talk with my husband, Fred. I had known for a long time that I needed to confess some things to him–but I was dreading it and didn’t want to face up to the blackness of my wicked heart. So I avoided the conversation and grew more burdened and depressed with each passing day.

I had a hard time worshipping God. My time in the Word grew shorter and shorter. I felt disconnected from my husband and friends. (Wonder why?!) And I was just basically in the pit. Sad, dark, weary, lonely pit.

Thank God!

‘When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.’ Psalm 32:3-4

How grateful I am that God loves me so much that He makes me miserable! Otherwise, how would I ever repent?

So, yes, I told Fred. I confessed to him my sins. (Oh! I am still so embarrassed by them.) They had to do with a commitment we had made (we called it “boot camp”) to work on some spiritual and physical disciplines. (I continue to struggle!!) Anyway, “the deal” was that we had both carrots and sticks (rewards and punishments/consequences) if we did or did not honor our commitments. And I had to confess to Fred that I had not kept all of my commitments, and worse, I had not been completely honest with him at the time.

Of course! Of course! The dishonesty was the blow. That’s just not how we related with one another. Honesty and integrity go to the heartbeat of our marriage vows and our friendship. And I had violated his trust.

I felt so hopeless! So worthless! How could I have done this to my best friend? My beloved?

It was a hard, difficult, embarrassing conversation as I confessed my sins. But thankfully, God is gracious to both Fred and me and He gave Fred the grace to readily and lovingly forgive me. Not because I deserved his forgivenss. But, as Fred said, because he had been forgiven so much in Christ, that was why he forgave me too.

Thank God for forgiveness.

I said, “Won’t you not trust me any more?”
“Of course not. Of course I’ll trust you.”

“But I don’t deserve your trust!”
“We all receive lots of things we don’t deserve.”

I cried out, “Don’t you just hate me?”
“No way! Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Why? Why? Why?”
“Because I have forgiven you. It’s done. It’s covered. It’s over. I love you. Let’s move on.”

Thank God for forgiveness. Unearned. Unearnable. Lavish. Grace grace grace.

‘Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’—and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah

Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!’ Psalm 32