Stupid Ol’ Apology
Earlier today, the girls and I had to run to our doctor’s office for a quick well-child check. The entire outing took less than an hour and everything went perfectly on time. But, in one of those “tell your children about your BIG GIANT FAILURE” kind of teaching moments … (Because wow! They sure do love to hear about when we’ve blown it, don’t they?!) … I told them about a visit to this doctor’s office that did not go nearly as well …
Years ago, I rushed and rushed to get through our morning, pack up the (much younger) kids, get them to my friend’s house, and make it to my appointment with this doctor by exactly 1:00. Only to be told that my appointment was at 1:30.
(!!!!)
Oh. Sure. I could have just “been in the moment” and “relaxed” for 30 minutes. (I hear that’s something people know how to do …) But, instead, I was very frustrated and pretty much stomped out of the reception area like a spoiled little brat. Thankfully, the reception area was empty, so I only aired my Monster Want James 4 Idol in front of the receptionist.
Still. I was immediately convicted and I did not want to go back when the 30 minutes were up. In fact, I wanted to not only never go back to this doctor, I really wanted to move away from this city and change my name (so I’d stop being associated with “peacemaking women” and “living the gospel in relationships”), and, well, basically climb into a hole and hide away. Forever.
Instead, at 1:25PM, I went back to the doctor’s office, knowing full well what I had to do: I had to apologize. There was no other way out. I had sinned and I needed to confess my sin specifically and ask the receptionist to forgive me.
(Stupid ol’ Seven A’s of Confession pressing into my heart because of Matthew 7:5, Proverbs 28:13, and James 1, and 1 John and, well, the entire Bible!)
Of course, by that time, the reception area was full. And small. There was just no way for me to apologize to her without an entire room full of people hearing me. So that’s exactly what happened. Right there in front of everyone else, I apologized for being rude earlier. I told her specifically that there was no excuse for my behavior or tone and I asked her to forgive me.
She was extremely surprised at my attitudinal change and very gracious in her reply. I was appropriately mortified, but glad I had done the right thing. And glad, too, that years later I would have an excellent teaching illustration to use in my ongoing peacemaking discussions with my kiddos. (As Fred often says: “There are no wasted conflicts, Tara! Only excellent peacemaking illustrations to use one day … once you repent.”)
It’s hard, though, isn’t it? This whole “living in line with what we actually believe” thing. It’s so much easier to say we know and believe something in the abstract (gnosis) than to actually, personally, know and believe something (epignosis). But God really has given us “all things that pertain to life and godliness …” (2 Peter 1:3). So today, as always, I am grateful for forgiveness. But I am also grateful for confession too.
May we all be quick to get the logs out of our own eyes (Matthew 7:5)—
And quick to forgive “just as in Christ we have been forgiven” (Colossians 3:13)!
Sending my love—
Your friend,
Tara B.