Seeking Counsel and Jumping In

Earlier this week I left for an appointment wherein I was seeking someone’s counsel. The strange thing was, as I drove closer and closer to the location, I started getting more and more scared. I couldn’t really figure out what was going on at first. I trust this person. I really wanted her advice. So why the fear? Ah. Then I realized it:

At some deep level, I thought I had to have it all figured out before I sought her counsel. That I had to go to this appointment with a game plan in hand—and the whole point was, I was stymied. I didn’t have a game plan. I needed help.

Ah, the human mind. We’re a funny lot sometimes. Once I figured out what the problem was, I could easily turn away from it and sit before my advisor, hands open wide, share my concerns and listen to what she had to say. What a concept that ol’ listening thing is. She really helped me to understand things better and for that, I am grateful.

I’m also grateful because she asked such a wise question during our visit together. It had to do with my virtual paralysis re: prepping new content (that is due in just a few weeks!). My mind is swirling with all sorts of thoughts:

“Why did I EVER agree to do this? This is IMPOSSIBLE! They never should have asked me to speak on these topics—-what were they THINKING? I’m never EVER going to be able to get this done!”

In response, my friend asked me if I ever felt this way before. Had I ever struggled like this when facing a big challenge? And in a moment of bright-light-clarity, I saw that OF COURSE I had. In fact, I have ALWAYS felt this way before I ever tried to do ANYTHING … write AP papers or compete on the speech team in high school; finish presidential scholar reports or prep a really hard symphonic or piano piece in college; take law school exams or the Bar Exam; study for my series 7 & 65 financial advisor exams; write a book; write another book, etc. etc. I have never felt competent and I have always felt extraordinarily needy.

This would be a terrible place to be in were in not for the fact that I am a Christian and thus, am the very definition of needy. The answer to my fears, of course, is NOT that I have what it takes to do any of these things. No. The answer to my fears is that I am called this day to do the task the God places before me. I am to work prayerfully and diligently. And if I completely fail? Well, so be it. I am not responsible for the results. I am only responsible to do my best.

(Whew!)

And suddenly, I’m awake at 6:30AM (just like the old days!), ready to dive in and get to work.

Thank You, God! And thanks so my friends who I know are praying for me.

I hope you enjoy the work of your hands this day!

“Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.” 1 Thessalonians 4:9-12

Yours,
Tara B.