Presuming the Worst

Fred and I recently had a helpful and relatively profound epiphany—at least it’s been profound for our friendship and marriage.

We realized that at the heart of many of our recent quarrels and fights, we were presuming that the other person was upset, unhappy, or frustrated. With us.

And usually? We were presuming that the other person was extremely upset, unhappy, or frustrated.

So then we either backtracked into some sort of “make it all better” over-reactive mode OR we became quickly (and disproportionately) defensive or even attack-y, so before you could say the word IRONIC, the other person WAS upset, unhappy, or frustrated.

Needless to say, this was not a pleasant rut to get stuck in relationally. But it was a rut—a well-established habit, routine, or pattern. So it sure hasn’t been that easy to change.

But now that we’re aware of the problem and able to name it, we can see it a little faster, pull out of it a little quicker—and sometimes (O! Glorious Sometimes!), we even avoid it entirely and laugh at ourselves together. As friends.

Grace for the moment, eh?
Grace for our ruts. Grace to get on up OUT of our ruts.

I’m a grateful gal.

G’nite!
— Tara B.