Not able to remember what it feels like to have a dream and a goal and a purpose …
In order to prep for my “Persevering with Grace When Our Leaders Let us Down” workshop (that I’ll be giving at a women’s leadership conference in a few days), I am deep into pruning 80+ pages of notes down to 20.
(Eek!! Eek for the fact that these conferences are HERE this week and EEK that I still have so much work to do!!)
In the middle of my outlines, I found notes from a conversation I had years ago with a woman in my church. She was helping me because I was in a real spiritual funk (depression?) and one of her points was that I was not submitting to God and living in step with my current roles in life. I wasn’t content! And so I was turning to various sins to “escape” my unhappiness.
Over time, I had grown used to my sin. Whether it was anger, bitterness, escapism … I was used to it and it just felt like it would take WAY too much energy to ever change.
At that point in my life, I didn’t even remember what it felt like to have a dream and goal and purpose. I couldn’t remember what it was like to be happy.
I was sinning and it was tearing me in two.
Thankfully, my friend helped me to see how my MISERY was a sign of God’s covenant-keeping CARE!
Quoting Kris Lundgaard’s (wonderful!) book, The Enemy Within:
‘Believers are the only people who ever find the law of sin at work in them. Unbelievers can’t feel it. The law of sin is a raging river, carrying them along; they cannot measure the force of the current, because they have surrendered themselves to it and are borne along by it. A believer, on the other hand, swims upstream—he meets sin head-on and strains under its strength.’
She reminded me that the biblical response is repentance and the hatred of sin:
– Admit sin
– Be confident that God forgives sin
– Put your faith in the finished work of Jesus!
God says to us in Ezekiel 18:22: ‘None of the offenses he has committed will be remembered against him.’ Ephesians 2:4-5 reminds us that ‘God who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions.’
God’s forgiveness is not a begrudging forgiveness. It is his NATURE to forgive!
“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.” Exodus 34:6-7
Your sins, no matter how big, are NOT bigger than God’s pleasure in forgiveness.
FORGIVENESS! It’s real!
And then my friend prayed for me:
‘Father, Tara has sinned. Again. Change needs to happen in her life. But it would be unjust for you to condemn her because you would exacting judgment twice for the same sin—from Christ, Tara’s Advocate, and from her.
Please help Tara to believe what she knows to be true: when we confess our sins, God is faithful and JUST to forgive us our sins (1 John 1:9). Jesus has already made atonement for her sin. He is her righteousness.”
And she closed our conversation by exhorting me to NOT read the Psalms and say “This is what I should be doing but I’m not.” But instead to say, “This is what God is doing in me too. These things are possible for me because David’s Redeemer is MY Redeemer. He is my God as well.”
Psalm 32 … ‘Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him …”Amen & Amen!
Thank God for grace!
Off to make my hubby and muffin some lunch and then get right back to work–
Yours,
Tara B.
PS
If I had to guess, these notes are probably ALSO a mixed combination of notes I took from some fantastic CCEF books and my pastor’s sermons too. Just wanted to mention this in case I’ve inadvertently quoted Ed Welch. Again. 😉
[A re-post from March 7, 2009]