Joy Cannot Co-Exist with Bitterness
I had a long, hard–but good–day of work yesterday preparing to teach my, “Persevering with Grace when Our Leaders Let Us Down” workshop for a conference next month.
It was extremely painful to listen to and re-read examples of people being so horribly hurt within the church–but also so encouraging and edifying to be reminded of their perseverance, even in the midst of extreme suffering.
I’m still working to draw my material to a coherent whole (that builds to an “X” and hopefully clearly articulates and explains some God-exalting, biblically-faithful, helpful ideas). But in the interim, I wanted to share with you a few of my random notes:
– One of the most common idols in relational strife is justice. Justice is a good thing, but often we want it too much. And when we don’t get it—we think we’re justified in our bitterness.
– Joy cannot coexist with bitterness.
– I once attended a workshop by Pastor Dennis Reiter entitled, ‘Wounded in the Church.’ During the workshop he defined ‘woundedness’ as: “People are wounded in their soul when they perceive there has been a significant act or an accumulation of acts against them that involve: 1. Violation of justice and/or 2. Absence or withdrawal of love.” Where have you been wounded? Where are you wounding others? Withdrawing your love?
– Luke 7:47: ‘He who is forgiven little, forgives little.’
– CS Lewis: ‘love is risky business,’ “love makes us vulnerable,” and, ‘the only way to keep your heart intact is to give your heart to no one–not even an animal.’ People WILL let you down. LOVE ANYWAY. You will NOT grow and change if you isolate yourself from REAL relationships.
– Remember the possibilities of grace! People have rough edges (‘areas in need of further sanctification’)We blunder! But God’s grace enables us to persevere.
– ‘Our momentary and light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.’ 2 Corinthians 4:17 (Doesn’t FEEL light OR momentary!)
– It is a lifelong event to forgive—we cannot just say, ‘I forgive you’ once and move on. Turning away from bitterness, living in mercy and forgiving over and over again, these acts of obedience and faith remind us how much we need the Savior. Only His grace and love could ever enable us to love as He has loved us. (John 13:34-36).
– 1 John 4:19-21: ‘We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar …”
I’ll close with this example …
One day I was struggling again to persevere in love, with grace, toward people in the church who had truly betrayed and rejected me. My heart was raw! And I did NOT want to persevere.
I was miserable and my conversation with Fred went something like this:
‘But if I forgive them, then won’t I be giving up the one thing I have on them?’
“What do you mean?”, Fred asked.
“Well, I can’t hurt them like they’ve hurt me or restore what was taken from me (I don’t have the power, resources, or authority to do so). I can’t make them understand the depth of suffering they’ve caused me and cause them to grow in compassion and love. I can’t force them to change or grow or help me during my times of desperate need.”
“The one thing I have on them is this … I can withhold myself from them. That’s it –- that’s my ace in the hole, my one card to play.”
‘And if I truly forgive them and allow them to enter into my life and heart again … allow myself to have real relationship with them … pray for God’s blessings on them … then what do I have?’
‘Tara,” Fred responded with love and care and gentleness (even though he knew it would break me down into weeping again), “Then you will be living out the grace you have lavishly received and giving that grace to them. You will be praying for those who mistreat you. You will have the blessings of obedience.’
Yup. That’s what I would have.
And even though it KILLS me, it is enough.
(I’m already dead anyway, right? This life is not my own. I no longer live but Christ lives in me. What can you do to a dead man?)
‘As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, ‘Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.’ He replied, ‘Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.’ Luke 11:27-28
Praying that you will NOT be hurt by your fellow Christian today!
But if you are … that God will help to guard your heart from the destructive poison of bitterness.
With tears and prayers and love,
Tara B.