Have to be careful about MONEY

I am JUST about to walk the dog. (Hah! I’ve been telling myself that for 45 minutes.)

But trying to work through emails/paperwork, I am convicted by just how CAREFUL I must learn to be when it comes to $$$$$$$.

I’ve had a number of “LITTLE” inconveniences related to money in the last month–and I think they are starting to pile up in my heart. (This is NOT good.)

Taken alone, they are no big deal. (Someone doesn’t pay the international shipping charge for something and our family just goes ahead and pays the $21 fee without saying something; someone else makes an error with their own paperwork and in addition to all of the time spent trying to serve them an unravel it, I find out this morning that I’M being charged a “processing fee” for their error; something that we thought was very clear (and fair) regarding $$ upsets someone so our family just eats it, etc.)

But BOY! For someone who will anonymously get cash to people if I think it might help them, I sure can have a VERY JERKY HEART toward these teeny tiny inconveniences.

It’s like I forget ENTIRELY:

– God’s gracious and generous provision for my LIFE (even as a teenager, college student, grad student, getting out of debt early married years, leaving “real” jobs to work for a ministry, etc.) and our FAMILY (with me having the JOY of being HOME with our muffin lovie bear daughter).

– ALL of the MANY people who NEVER hurt our family financially but are always OVER THE TOP in their fairness, wisdom, and generosity; understanding that it’s just our little FAMILY (not some big anonymous corporate ministry with lots of margin/savings), always being SO CAREFUL to remember the value of what we’re pouring out to try to serve and bless and NEVER putting $$$ above LOVE/encouragement of me as a human being who struggles and fails but is really, really trying hard.

Fred says, “LET IT GO.”

And of course he’s right.

I have a propensity to be generous when it is convenient for me and pecuniary when I feel unappreciated or “used.” But grace says DO THE OPPOSITE! BE THE OPPOSITE!

Big deal that you are generous with people you LOVE and ENJOY and you can serve without them even knowing. (Even pagans and tax collectors love those who love them.) That’s not hard. That’s not work.

But LOVE THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. (With wisdom, yes. These are wisdom calls!) Bless them. Overlook. Remember how blessed blessed BLESSED you are. How MUCH you forget God and put yourself above Him. But how merciful HE is to forgive you and love you.

NOW … forgive as you have been forgiven; love as you have been loved. Then you’ll show yourself to be Mine.

Yes, yes. Conviction is good. Please change my heart, O Lord.

(Stupid ol’ sin. Get me every time. Glad I can be forgiven.)

Blessed Tuesday to you!
— Tara B.

PS
When I ran my spell-check and quickly re-read this post, I was TOTALLY convicted of the old “There’s something about HER I can’t stand about ME” quote because I realized how quick I am to really be BOTHERED when people are (in my estimation) CRAZILY OVERLY CONCERNED about the SMALLEST amounts of money.

Two cases in point … once someone (worth LOTS of money) helped me with a project that required (I’m not kidding!) like a $.58 (that’s 58 CENT!) reimbursement. And this person had a receipt. I totally laughed inside and thought, “Very strange but oh well. There’s probably a story here.” And I paid it and didn’t think that much about it other than thinking, “I hope I never do that to someone.”

Second story … as a young pre-teen/teenager, I remember being in someone’s home when my period came unexpectedly. I asked the adult if she had any “supplies,” and she was NOT happy with me as she found FREE SAMPLES to give me to hold me over until I could get some of my own. She complained to me about how EXPENSIVE they are and how I should’ve BROUGHT MY OWN, etc. etc. You know … even as a child, I remember thinking, “Wow. I hope I NEVER make someone feel this way if they are a guest in my home and need something. Anything. MORE OR LESS something I can help them with from FREE SAMPLES so it costs me NOTHING.”

‘Course … what is the TRUTH? I am JUST LIKE THEM only FAR FAR WORSE.

May God have mercy on me!! (He does. He does.)