Do I actually believe any of this “fear not” stuff?
So … my ONE suitcase with all of my teaching MATERIAL and CLOTHING; the “one thing” I “need” to serve in Iowa this weekend has gone missing. (I shocked even myself this morning when I actually used the words, “But I can’t survive without this suitcase!” Umm. Can you say James 4 monster want idol? Uh. Yeah. Not good.)
So I’m repenting and praying and trying to laugh at everything being sort of a giant test case for whether I ACTUALLY believe any of the stuff I’m about to say: that God is with me and I don’t have to WORRY, right? The Immanuel Promise and not “trying to be God” re: controlling situations that are so obviously FAR beyond my control; “When through fiery trials, etc. etc.” and “casting all your anxieties on God because He cares for me” and “turning to God from idols, to serve the living and true God.”
Ahhh. See. My heart rate is already starting to slow just a little and this is a great thing because I was really pretty much on the verge of a panic attack. (A little too ironic right before the first “Fear Not!” retreat, don’t you think?)
Time to slow down. Take a breath. And remember …
– God is actively working this out for his glory and my good.
– Deeper emotions are gnawing at me right now; things that go far beyond fear, deep into shame and my propensity to find my identity in something other than Christ. But Christ is with me. He is all I really need. He is enough.
– Psalm 73: “It is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge …”
– Jesus asks us in Luke 12:25-26 … ‘Which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his life?’ Jesus’ message is clear: worry and anxiety accomplish nothing good. Still, I am prone to worry because at least it gives me something to do and otherwise I really feel like I’m freaking out! Paralyzed! I can’t even take one step. Jesus says, ‘Trust God.’ ‘Consider the Lillies.’
– Both body and soul are affected. I went 27 hours without sleep yesterday and awoke to hundreds of urgent things needing attention. My brain is not operating at full capacity. My body is exhausted too. Shaky hands only fuel my sense of fear and anxiety (which only make my hands shake more). What physical thing can I do to help … take a warm bath; sleep? drink some tea. deep breaths.
– Romans 8:35-39 … “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, the sword? … neither life nor death … nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
– Jesus was ripped asunder so that we can be whole. At peace. At rest. Help me, Lord Jesus, I pray!