Relationships & Peacemaking
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Forgiving even your husband’s murderer? (Forgiving “just as in Christ, you have been forgiven …”?)
The call to forgive is found throughout the Old and New Testament. Consider just a few examples: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:12-13 “Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against…
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When (Differently) Gifted Pastors Destroy the Church (Rather than Build it Up)
Desperate for some biblical hope (which means I was desperate for Christ!), I sat and re-read through page after page of Dave Edling’s wise and pithy words over on our Redeeming Church Conflicts site. What a feast for the soul! Nothing like Truth to reorient the ol’ heart attitudes. This post is a particular favorite of mine, so I thought I’d re-share it here too: When (Differently) Gifted Pastors Destroy the Church (Rather than Build it Up) Dave’s observations as to the four main reasons why church conflicts often emerge due to the misuse of spiritual gifts is, I believe, spot-on. I hope that you will click through and read the entire post. And I…
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Forgiveness is at the Heart of Every Redemptive Encounter in the Church
Thanks, Dave! I needed this today. (From our Redeeming Church Conflicts site …) Forgiveness is at the Heart of Every Redemptive Encounter in the Church by David V. Edling In prior posts we have noted the distinctions drawn by the Scriptures between the wisdom of this world and the wisdom that comes down from heaven. James 3:13 through 18 is one place where we see that distinction being drawn: Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about…
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Because you’re better with words, you’re going to win this argument—but that doesn’t make you right.
The teacher wasn’t talking to me or even about me (in this specific situation), but he was so talking about me when he described a recent fight he had with his wife: “Tempers were raging. She was hurt. I was hurt. She started to slip down The Slippery Slope to her comfort zone—the Escape responses. I started to SLAM down The Slippery Slope into my area of expertise—Attack. (Not physically of course! Just putting all of those years of law school and seminary to work to attack in the most common way—with my words.) But then. She was so brave. She was so accurate when she said to me: “Because you are better with words and you think faster…
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“One reason people cling to the hurts they have received is that it gives them an excuse for being angry …”
My friend and one of my heroes of the faith, Ajith Fernando, graciously gave me permission to share this with you. It includes some of his key teachings from Reclaiming Love: Radical Relationships in a Complex World (which I just ordered and am looking very forward to reading). Ajith has a particular burden for this topic because of the deep hurt that angry Christian leaders can cause. RESIDUAL ANGER Ajith Fernando A few days ago I realised that Paul used the words “rejoice,” “rejoiced,” “joy,” and “glad” a total of sixteen times in the Epistle to the Philippians. The great Bible scholar A. T. Robertson aptly named his classic exposition on Philippians, Paul’s…
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My Keynote: How Did I Forgive and Love My Mother?
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It’s Really Possible to Reconcile the Most Broken Mother-Daughter Relationship
Words to Live By is re-airing my mother’s and my story this week and you are invited to listen in online! I mention this in particular for those of us whom God, in his sovereign goodness, had us grow up in an abusive childhood home. And now, years later, we may be struggling to interact with our parents in appropriate (i.e., not judgmental/embittered), eternity-focused (grace-filled, wanting to share the hope of the gospel) ways. Life is so short. Don’t kid yourself—parents die. Don’t assume you’ll always have time to make it right or forgive “tomorrow.” Today is the day! In view of GOD’S mercies, offer your bodies as living sacrifices.…
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I Hate Conflict
Conflict is: Shocking Time-consuming Frightening Annoying Hurtful Insulting Embarrassing Ugly Painful Difficult Exhausting Dispiriting A total drag Sometimes we mess up—we’re selfish and defensive and prideful; we’re tired and grouchy and mean. Sometimes other people hurt us; they confront us when what we need is comfort; they criticize us when what we really could use is a little help; they intentionally do us evil. Most often, it’s a combination of both of our foibles and errors, sin and weakness. Fallen people living in a fallen world. Personality quirks. Areas of blindness and immaturity. Outright sin. Deep hurt that has little or nothing to do with the current situation but…
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An Abuse Survivor Learns to Show Mercy to Her Abuser
A friend emailed me today asking for trustworthy resources on how an abuse survivor can persevere in wise, godly, appropriate responses to her abuser. This friend was particularly interested in persevering in love and mercy toward her abuser because he is repentant and also because all of the other civic authority and ecclesiastical authority issues associated with his abuse are also being wisely and appropriately addressed. So I did what I always do when someone asks me for biblical, trustworthy counsel on complicated issues. I first looked at The Journal of Biblical Counseling and all of the CCEF resources available online. I was not disappointed with the results: An Abuse Survivor Learns to…
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Should we stop saying “the church hurt me?”
A GREAT read by Pastor Thabiti that we re-posted over on Redeeming Church Conflicts: Should we stop saying, “the church hurt me?”