Relationships & Peacemaking
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“Men are afraid of women …”
Reading my denomination’s magazine (By Faith), I was struck to the heart and literally brought to tears. And prayer. The last article was on the relationships between ordained men in the church and women in the church. There were many wonderful, gospel-saturated aspects to those important relationships. But two quotes broke my heart (especially, I am sure, because I have seen over and over again–across the nation–how true they can be): – “Men are afraid of women. We’re often content to be at arms’ length from them.” – “Some women mistrust the men ordained in leadership over them.” Both statements reminded me of 1 John 4:18: Where there is fear,…
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Tara — You told me I was nowhere near done reconciling.
I recently received an encouraging note from a real-life friend from grad school. She references a telephone conversation we had years ago, but most of you will, I’m sure, recognize in her story that ALL I did was share with her the exact same love and counsel that a friend had shared with me years ago. Plus, ironically, even though she credits me with this conversation (so apparently I did have it with her), I was actually really REALLY convicted when I read what she wrote! I’m a little lacking in the love department for certain people these days. Oh, I can try to justify it all I want.…
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Loving Confrontation Will Not Ultimately Harm Us (Even if It Hurts)
Talking with someone about an apparent sin or temptation has to be one of the most difficult things to do in all of life. Yesterday, my five year-old brought some excellent questions about why Galatians 6:1 “rescue” and Matthew 7 “helping someone with the speck in their eye” are not the same thing as being the “proud, super-holy, Pharisee people” (in Luke 7) who judged the woman who was wiping Jesus’ feet with her tears and her hair: “Aren’t we JUDGING and thinking we are BETTER when we talk with people about this hard stuff?” she asked me, so sincerely. What a good question! And what a loooooooong conversation we had to…
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What about repeating (habitual?) patterns of sin and struggle? How do the Seven A’s of Confession and Four Promises of Forgiveness apply?
I recently had to make a “Seven A’s Confession” to a dear friend. Like all real confessions, it was embarrassing. I was frustrated with myself for blowing it. Again. I felt bad about hurting someone I care about. Talking it out for real took time and effort and emotion, three things that neither of us really had extra margin in this month. But she is a real friend and it was a real hurt, so (thank God!) we did the right thing, the loving thing, and had that uncomfortable—but ultimately GOOD—conversation. And I was, as always, amazed at how genuine and balming true forgiveness from a true friend can be. It…
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Loving Well Even if You Haven’t Been
Every Christmas, Fred surprises me with at least one book. Usually it’s theology, philosophy, or history … but always, it’s one of my favorite parts of Christmas. This year, in addition to indulging in his gift of a new book, I am also going to re-read a title from five years ago: Loving Well Even if You Haven’t Been (by William P. Smith) I was honored to review and recommend Pastor Smith’s book when it came out in 2012. And as I pray for so many people who are hurting right now because of specific, loveless ways that certain Christians are acting towards them, I highly recommend this book in 2017 too.…
- Ken Sande - Relational Wisdom 360, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Redemptive Relationships, Relationships & Peacemaking
“Unity is the irresistible witness of the church.” – Ken Sande of RelationalWisdom360
OK … I’m trying to give myself a little grace even though I’ve been quite a FAILURE at blogging “live” from this Peacemaking/Unity Conference … But I have learned a thing or two: 1. It’s hard to blog a conference when you’re SPEAKING during every single workshop slot; and 2. It’s really hard to blog when you’re ASLEEP. 🙂 !! That said … I did want you all to know that I am here and, even though I have received three extremely harsh criticisms amidst a SEA of gospel-infused love, encouragement, and care, all is well! God is helping me to learn from even the graceless criticism and to not fixate on the unkindness,…
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If I Had Absolute Power, Would I Take Revenge? (In secret, of course …)
I recently heard an excellent sermon on Joseph. Of course, I’ve read Genesis 41 countless times. I’ve heard a great number of sermons and teachings about Joseph. And I’m a huge Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream fan. (What a blast! What a fun musical! Terrible biblical exegesis, but wonderful tunes. And Donny Osmund was fabulous in the 1990’s productions.) But until this sermon, I never thought about the truth that when Pharoah appointed Joseph to his position and fitted him with fine linens, a robe, his signet ring, and the gold collar necklaces, Joseph went from absolute poverty and powerlessness to absolute wealth and power. And thus? Just think about the revenge…
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Being Kicked to the Relational Curb
I once had a pastor who preached a wonderful sermon on 1 Peter 4:7-11 entitled, “Love Each Other Deeply.” Consider the life-changing truths that he mentioned: – CS Lewis stated that “love is risky business,” “love makes us vulnerable,” and, “the only way to keep your heart intact is to give your heart to no one–not even an animal.” How right he is! (This reminded me of something this very pastor once said to Fred and me years ago. We were talking about how terribly even ostensibly mature Christians can treat people, and our former pastor said this, “It’s ministry. It hurts.” Isn’t that true? If it were chocolate, it…
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Loving Those Who Have Failed
“A love for those who are worthy and who come up to our standards is not the thing which Jesus refers to in John 13:34 as characterizing the Christian community and distinguishing it from other social groups. It is agape, the love which stoops to others as Christ stooped to us at the cross, which is to be the expression and mark of the disciple community … it is when the love which we express begins to stoop; when we really begin to love those who are unworthy, those who have failed, those who reject our standards, those to whom we are not naturally attracted, it is then that the…
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Christians in Conflict—Frozen Hopelessness? Vacuum of Faith? Or A Kingdom Point of View?
More (striking!) wisdom for Christians in conflict from The Heart of a Servant Leader: Letters from Jack Miller. This one was written to a man who was in conflict with his church leaders and then, after another pastor was brought into the conflict to try to help (“Rob”), the man became conflicted with the new (trying-to-help-with-the-conflict) pastor too. Please note: this excerpt is after a long, kind, gentle affirmation and assurance of deep love for the recipient of the letter. If Pastor Jack Miller was anything in life, he was an encourager. But this excerpt is such an insightful confrontation that I really wanted to share it with you (the…