Redemptive Relationships

  • Ken Sande - Relational Wisdom 360,  Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships,  Relationships & Peacemaking

    “Unity is the irresistible witness of the church.” – Ken Sande of RelationalWisdom360

    OK … I’m trying to give myself a little grace even though I’ve been quite a FAILURE at blogging “live” from this Peacemaking/Unity Conference … But I have learned a thing or two: 1. It’s hard to blog a conference when you’re SPEAKING during every single workshop slot; and 2. It’s really hard to blog when you’re ASLEEP. 🙂 !! That said … I did want you all to know that I am here and, even though I have received three extremely harsh criticisms amidst a SEA of gospel-infused love, encouragement, and care, all is well! God is helping me to learn from even the graceless criticism and to not fixate on the unkindness,…

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  • Grace in Daily Life,  Redemptive Relationships

    Uncharitable Presumptions & Being Really, Really TIRED

    Today would have been a very easy day to think some extremely uncharitable presumptions about me. I didn’t make it home from my event until midnight (which was around 1AM for my body because of the time zone differentials. Getting ready for church felt like I was lifting arms and legs made of 300 pounds of concrete. But I did it—I was eager to be at corporate worship and happy to be together as a family. Still. If you were one of the 500 people past whom I walked without a cheerfully greeting? (I tried! Believe me, I tried! But it got to the point where a migraine started in…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships,  Relationships & Peacemaking

    Loving Those Who Have Failed

    “A love for those who are worthy and who come up to our standards is not the thing which Jesus refers to in John 13:34 as characterizing the Christian community and distinguishing it from other social groups.  It is agape, the love which stoops to others as Christ stooped to us at the cross, which is to be the expression and mark of the disciple community … it is when the love which we express begins to stoop; when we really begin to love those who are unworthy, those who have failed, those who reject our standards, those to whom we are not naturally attracted, it is then that the…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Redemptive Relationships,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    Back When I Really Didn’t Care if My Mother Went to Hell

    I usually share bits and pieces of my testimony whenever I speak at women’s retreats and conferences. (If you’re curious, you can hear my testimony, a Christmas keynote on “Peace at the Holidays,” and a bunch of other teachings for free on this “FREE AUDIO DOWNLOADS” page of my website.) And afterwards, I am almost always asked the same question: How did you ever START to build a real relationship with your (mentally ill, addict/drunk) mother who (sometimes intentionally but more often than not inadvertently) treated you so neglectfully / abusively / just downright terribly for so many years?  I have thought and prayed for YEARS about a blog series on this…

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  • Hope in Suffering,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships,  Relationships & Peacemaking,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    Sticking with People is Frustrating … You Will Suffer Pain if You are Committed to People

    What a contrast in articles! The first is what I would charitably characterize as a, well, not very gracious, thoughtful, or helpful article on why every woman should “ditch the guilt” dropping her little baby off with the “professionals” because staying home with young children can “drive you bonkers,” “give you a back problem and a brain ache,” and women “just need more.” (If you’re really interested, you can read it here, but I think there are far better articles “out there” that graciously and intelligently address this important wisdom issue. And I do think it is a wisdom issue—so discernment, humility, and love are required when we talk about…

  • Redemptive Relationships

    Friend – Prayer Group FOLLOW-UP

    Nancy asked some great questions in a comment: “Where do you meet with this group? Just curious…homes? restaurants? and how long do the meetings last? Who takes care of the kids?” I wish I had thought to answer them in the first post! 🙂 Here are my responses: – We meet in a home—often the home of the mother with a newborn/young kids, but not always. The very, very first time my very, very first friend-prayer group met (ten years ago!), we met in a restaurant ONCE and then in a private home from then on: – We usually meet for around 90 minutes, but sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. Depends…

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  • Redemptive Relationships

    All the Graces of Christianity Connected

    I first heard the terms “charitable presumption” and “charitable judgment” from Ken Sande, founder of RelationalWisdom360. But I first experienced repeated charitable presumptions and judgments in my relationship with my husband, Fred. Fred is a man who embodies 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. In his excellent (must read!) article, Charitable Judgments: An Antidote to Judging Others, Ken Sande teaches…

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  • Redemptive Relationships

    Surrounded by People yet Desperately Alone

    What a joy it is to be included on the PCA Women’s blog, enCourage!  I hope that you will check out my inaugural post there:   Surrounded by People Yet Desperately Alone (And all of the other posts by wonderful writers such as Susan Hunt, Karen Hodge, Ellen Dykas, Courtney Doctor, Christina Fox, Melissa Kruger … and more!) 

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  • How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Momma Tara~Parenting,  Redemptive Relationships

    Teach Your Kids from Your Weaknesses! (Romans 12: Duty, Depravity, and Destiny …)

    This morning, I told my girls THE Romans 12 story. Some of you have heard it. You know. That time when I was SO MAD that I ripped my Bible — WHILE sitting in my Director’s chair at The Institute for Christian Conciliation. My friend lovingly counseled me right into repentance and faith, basically by making me read Romans 12 out loud to her over the telephone. Yup. Not my best moment. But it sure has been LIFE CHANGING for me re: how God’s mercy calls me to respond when people treat me poorly. (Oh. And my kids LOVED this story. MAN! Do they pay attention when we teach from…

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  • Hope in Suffering,  Perfectionism & Shame,  Redemptive Relationships,  Singleness & Marriage

    How Fred Responded When I Asked Him Last Week if I Had Ruined His Life

    Last week was a particularly hard week for Fred and me. At one point, seeing the marks of searing pain on Fred’s face (again), I was overcome by the sense that all of his worst suffering in life was because of me. (Maybe not entirely because of me, since, sure, I know my theology and I know we have three real enemies: Satan, the world, our flesh. I know we live in a fallen world that truly is not the way it’s supposed to be. I can pass the Sunday School test. But in that horrible moment of overwhelmingly self-critical thinking, I forget what I “know” [gnosis] because I don’t really “know” [epignosis] it.) So there I sat, feeling…