Redeeming Church Conflicts
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The leaders don’t help them to fulfill their membership vows? They should close their church doors! That’s not REALLY a church!
For many years, I had the joy of serving young children in our church co-op’s Theology class. We discussed the sermon, prayed for our leaders, sang a hymn (all five verses), practiced our Catechism, worked on memorizing various creeds and confessions (and we’re working on memorizing the book of Philippians), and studied systematic theology using Bruce Ware’s Big Truths for Young Hearts. In one of our discussions, we talked about church discipline / ecclesiastical authority. I gave the hypothetical: What if I (Mrs. Barthel) was caught in sin and I REFUSED to repent. What would Mr. Barthel do? (“He would get help,” said the kids.) What might that look like?…
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This Church Conflict Originated in Hell
Back in 2009, pastor (and cartoonist!) Joe McKeever had a particularly insightful post about the origins of church conflict. To encourage you to click on through and read the entire post, let me tempt you with a few excerpts of his descriptions of two different church conflicts: “My quick assessment, based solely on my friend’s account, is that such an immature pastor has no business leading a congregation. He is not a shepherd who cares for his flock. He is cowardly. (He refused to talk to the woman whom he accused of wrong before hearing her, then turned around and wronged her!) Furthermore, he forbids the church staff from having anything further…
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Redeeming Church Conflicts
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Church leaders are often afraid of their WOMEN
Wow. Don’t miss this read over at byFaith Magazine: The Session and Women’s Ministry It’s long–but worth the read. I’ll tempt you with just a few excerpts: – How do elders approach women in ministry in their congregations? ‘Men are afraid of women. We’re often content to be at arms’ length from them.’ A prominent PCA pastor says it simply. . … The unease between elders and women’s ministries is not always active. Instead, it can be a function of disconnection. ‘While there are isolated examples of abuse in this relationship, usually it’s much more subtle,’ said Jane Patete, women’s ministries coordinator for the PCA’s Christian Education and Publications…
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People are lured into church by hearing the language of intimacy and authenticity …
From one of my favorite books published this year … William P. Smith’s Loving Well Even If You Haven’t Been: “People are lured into church by hearing the language of intimacy, authenticity, and genuineness, but when they experience their absence, they are left feeling even more hurt than before. They had hoped finally to find a safe place where they could experience being loved, only to realize that Christians are not really all that good at it. Instead of being welcomed and embraced, often they can end up isolated and alone. So they walk away discouraged and cynical—with good reason.” [A re-post from 2012]
- Hope in Suffering, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Relationships & Peacemaking, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Boundaries? Or Wisdom + Love? (Careful! You cannot raise these issues casually.)
Since my current life situation is giving me some SERIOUS temptations to move in the direction of self-protection; and since I KNOW that any level of overly-self-focus is never a good thing, I turned to an oldie but goodie article this evening to help reorient my heart … Ed Welch’s (excellent!) writing on “Boundaries” in the Spring 2004 Journal of Biblical Counseling is a total keeper. I re-read it often and I thought you might enjoy a few of my notes too. Here are just a few highlights: – Even “Christian” books will encourage you to “set a personal boundary” and “just say no.” But is that how we should think about such…
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The Covenantal Life: Appreciating the Beauty of Theology and Community (by Sarah Ivill)
As an attorney and professional mediator, I deeply appreciate resources that help people to strengthen and enjoy community. As a seminary student, I delight in books the elucidate both philosophy and theology, especially covenant theology. But this tour de force from Sarah Ivill is the first book I have endorsed that perfectly illumines the way that “covenant theology leads to community life that is governed by the God of the covenant.” As you study this resource alone or in groups, I am confident that you will be well grounded in truth, and then equipped to graciously share that truth with others because, “theology is not just something we know; it…
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“Brothers and sisters, let us pray!” — My Review and Endorsement of Megan Hill’s “Praying Together”
I love beautiful prose and apt illustrations. When I book teaches me a new word (or two or three!), I know I am in for a treat. But my favorite thing of all about excellent Christian writing is when I forget the author and stop even noticing the beauty and wisdom of the words, because my heart is actively being drawn to meditate on the Triune God as revealed in Holy Scripture. And thus it is with Megan Hill’s, “Praying Together: The Priority and Privilege of Prayer in Our Homes, Communities, and Churches.” This is an excellent book on prayer that I endorse and recommend without hesitation. Unlike some of…
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The Loving of Awkward People and People We Intensely Dislike
From D.A. Carson’s book, Love in Hard Places (bold and italicized emphases mine): Not all Christians face persecuting enemies, but all Christians face little enemies. We encounter people whose personality we intensely dislike— – an obstreperous deacon or church leader – a truly revolting relative – an employee or employer who specializes in insensitivity, rudeness, and general arrogance – people with whom you have differed on some point of principle who take all differences in a deeply personal way and who nurture bitterness for decades, stroking their own self-righteousness and offended egos as they go – insecure little people who resent and try to tear down those who are even marginally…
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Reconnecting People Who Have Been Hurt by Their Church
Thank you, Pastor Anyabwile, for posting this oldie-but-a-goodie CCEF video and your summary too: How Do You Reconnect People Who Have Been Hurt By Their Church? Some of the suggestions/notes from the video: 1. Determine the issue: How did the church actually hurt the person? What was the issue? 2. Don’t assume: Be aware that you’re getting one side of the story. Don’t assume you’re getting all the information. Without disparaging the person’s story, remember that there is another side. 3. Relationship history: What else is going on in the person’s life? Are there other painful relationships and experiences affecting the person’s outlook? Is this how the person typically handles…