Redeeming Church Conflicts

  • Fear Not!,  Hope in Suffering,  Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships,  Relationships & Peacemaking,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    Apart from a miracle, a good relationship with this person is probably never going to happen. That’s OK. Grieve it. And LET. IT. GO.

    I once received an email from a good friend (let’s call her “Mary”), who wanted to know if I had any ideas for how she could minister to someone in her workplace (a Christian parachurch ministry) who was suffering greatly because of a difficult relationship with her parents. Apparently, this coworker was “terrified” of this relationship (to use her own words); she was “distraught” and “destroyed” over how they treated her. Knowing that some of us have similar difficult relationships in our lives, I thought I would redact the identifying information and share some of my response with you. I hope it is a blessing to you! Sending my love—…

  • Hope in Suffering,  Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships,  Relationships & Peacemaking

    A FREE Women’s Retreat — from our family to you! No travel required. Just grab your Bible, a cup of tea, and if you can–a beautiful view and a REAL (i.e., grace-filled, wise, compassionate, FAITHFUL–friend). And enjoy!

      Earlier today, I was poking around some old files and I found all of the audio recordings that I did for the beautiful women of the beautiful Camp Barakel just a few years ago. Since I assume that a few of you, like me, might be struggling a bit with lingering sorrow, heartbreaking confusion, or simple relational pain and loneliness … I thought it might be a good time to review God’s Word, meditate on Truth, grieve as needed, and most of all … be refreshed in Christ, our Savior. Our God. Our Brother and our Friend.   And so. Here is a little FREE RETREAT from our family…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships,  Relationships & Peacemaking

    When Peacemaking Causes Conflict

    Have you ever tried to “fix” a relationship and “make peace” only to have it backfire in your face in such a terrible way that you really wish you had just left things alone? I have. There is just something so much easier (on the surface at least) and “nicer” about peace-faking. Sure, when we focus on protecting ourselves by denying that conflict exists or pretending that everything is fine—pasting a smile on our face while slamming shut the door of our heart—we know on a deep level that we are not loving because “love makes us vulnerable” (CS Lewis). But the pain of rejection and betrayal from people we…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Relationships & Peacemaking

    When Our Church Leaders Let Us down

    Awhile back, I received an email from a woman who was seeking my advice about some concerns she and her husband had regarding their new pastor. I won’t go into any more details (in order to guard their confidentiality), but I think even with just that cursory picture in your mind, some of you might want to read my response to her: “Dear Tammy [NOT her real name of course], I am so very sorry to learn of this painful situation in your church! I have prayed for you and I hope that this email provides you with some ideas for consideration–but of course, I don’t know ‘for sure’ what…

  • Hope in Suffering,  Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships,  Relationships & Peacemaking,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    We can’t talk about forgiveness without acknowledging the reality of pain …

    I was trying to find the desk in my office the other day (I assume that if I can unearth the desk, there might even be a FLOOR in there somewhere) … and I came across my notes from a Conference I attended years ago. The speakers were wonderfully challenging and comforting (a good combination): – Tim Laniak drew a frighteningly accurate portrait of what happens when shepherding is corrupted and becomes only heavy/crushing accountability or namby-pamby bedside pastoral care. Having spent years living among and studying the Bedouin shepherds, Dr. Laniak has no ‘precious moments’ ceramic figurine portrait of what it means to be a shepherd. Instead, he explained that…

  • Avoiding Inadvertent Retraumatization,  Child Protection / Abuse in the Church,  Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Trauma Recovery

    God has called us to look at our own shortcomings as pastors. He has allowed us to seek and receive forgiveness from those we have failed.

    For every Christian family that has been attacked or abandoned by local church leaders … can you imagine what it would be like for your (heartbroken) children to hear these words from their former shepherd-overseers? For the pastor’s wife who saw her husband ripped apart by fellow ordained leaders? The traumatized woman retraumatized by the very men who had sworn before God to protect her … Listen to the balm in Gilead! See what fresh air, light, repentance, and LOVE do to the boiling caldron of acidic grief and pain that is the result of your wounding words, actions, and inactions. It’s not too late. You can face what you…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts

    One Danger You Must Avoid at ALL Costs — Regular Church Attendance

    Yes, yes. Kevin DeYoung is really gaining on Ed Welch as my favorite contemporary author. I love all of his writings (both online and in print), but this classic (written in the voice of a C.S. Lewis letter to Wormwood) is particularly appropriate this month for all of us who are celebrating our beloved high school graduates: A Lost Letter to Wormwood Here is just a snippet to tempt you: “Your subject is now enrolled in what the earth world calls ‘college.’ I do not need to remind you what splendid opportunities these places afford us. But there is one particular danger, and you must see to it that it…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships

    Are your relationships otiose? (Vain. Ineffective. Of no use.)

    Q. How can church-going Christians truly build the “ties that bind” and cultivate “the unity of the Spirit through the bonds of peace?” through intimate, safe, authentic relationships that will persevere through conflict? A. “Where a people prays, there is the church; and where the church is; there is never loneliness.” “It’s much easier for me to imagine a praying murderer, a praying prostitute, than a vain person praying. Nothing is so at odds with prayer as vanity.” These statements begin chapter 5 of the wonderful book I am presently reading: Eric Metaxas’ biography Bonhoeffer. They are taken from a journal entry that the 22 year-old German theologian, Bonhoeffer, wrote…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships

    There is one among us who loves the antithesis of faith that destructive church conflict is (Rev. 12:9).

    Destructive church conflict causes pain … to God. Of course, it causes pain to the people going through the church conflict too. But the pain of the antithesis to our faith is felt most by God. When his eternal children live in the church as if their faith made little or no difference, His warning, “If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other (Gal. 5:15),” is tragically fulfilled. What does it look like when we respond to church conflict with an antithesis to our faith? What can now be seen trumps what is unseen. The temporal is of greater…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts

    The Peacemaking Church by Pastor Curtis Heffelfinger

    Guess what? I get to help you with your Christmas shopping this year and it’s only April 10! Last week, I had the great privilege of reviewing Pastor Curtis Heffelfinger’s manuscript for The Peacemaking Church and I think this book is going to make a perfect gift for the Christians in your life who care about resolving conflict and preserving unity in their churches. Baker Books shows its release date as being November 20, 2018–so please make a note for your shopping list for November 20th, or pop on over to Amazon and place your pre-order right now. (No. No. I’m not a paid spokesperson and I get absolutely no personal benefit from encouraging…

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