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Category Archive for: ‘Perfectionism & Shame’

God’s Grace and Truth Touching our “Central Insecurities”

Yesterday, I had a wonderfully interesting and edifying conversation about the difference between guilt and shame—and why assurances of forgiveness do not comfort us when we are burdened by ungodly shame. (For more on that topic, I encourage you to read one of the few books I have ever endorsed–Ed Welch’s excellent book, Shame Interrupted. There is also a chapter on Shame in …

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From Shame to Shalom

Excerpts from Chapter 10 of Peacemaking Women, “SHAME“ When a woman is filled with ungodly shame, her response to her own sin or fallenness is to say, ‘Something is wrong with me and I need to work harder to make this right.’ Ungodly shame is a self-indictment that overrides the truth of the gospel that Jesus Christ loves me and …

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Why was I so afraid? I had forgotten about the overlapping spheres of Authority, Power, and Responsibility

The other day, I was extremely anxious about a certain meeting I had to have. It was strange to feel so anxious, because the meeting was really about something fun and relaxing. And yet, I was obviously stressed—more and more stressed as the meeting time approached. And so I prayed. I journaled. And I called a friend. Her patient listening, …

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Christmas is a Vulnerable Time

Well! Today I left my house for the first time in two weeks. I was finally cleared by my surgeon to start Physical Therapy (yay!) and I am looking very forward to the hard work of rebuilding my strength and mobility. It was such a missing month for me—for all intents and purposes, I pretty much went “deep and dark”/”off …

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I had no hope because my eyes were on ME …

Last week*, Fred and I had one of the most disturbing — fights? difficult conversations? “opportunities”? future peacemaker seminar illustrations? — of our lives. The — let’s just call it a fight — the fight itself was nothing new. Seriously — it was fight #24 or something in our marriage. But here is the truly frightening aspect of it … …

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I needed to re-read this today! The Grace that Saves is the Grace that Leads Us Home (by Kevin DeYoung)

THE GRACE THAT SAVES IS THE GRACE THAT LEADS US HOME Kevin DeYoung I know, I know. The horse is already dead, so stop beating it. As far I know my own heart, I’m not trying to pile on, dig in my heels, or even win an argument. I would like, however, to be clear. I believe with all my …

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Being Human vs. Sinning

I’ve had many long conversations with children about the differences between life in a fallen world as a fallen human being and intentional sin. These discussions often come up after a chld has been given an instruction or correction, and he or she over-reacts with very strong emotions that often manifest themselves as anger. They can try to hold it in …

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You can tell me a hundred times not to take it personally, but by that time, I probably already am.

Years ago (I often hold sensitive topics that involve other people for months or even years before writing publicly on them because I always want to guard confidentiality), I received what can only be described as an extremely critical email from a stranger. For whatever reason, she felt quite confident in not only her own abilities and insights, but also …

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That Time I Utterly and Completely Failed and Caused a DISASTER! (Almost.)

Countless descriptions exist for personality types. Some of us are “high strung”; others are “low key.” We can be “linear,” “drivers,” or “random creatives,” etc. etc. For those of us parenting pre-teens and teens we may even see some of them going in and out of these various personalities over and over again in the same day. Sometimes even in the same …

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How Fred Responded When I Asked Him Last Week if I Had Ruined His Life

Last week was a particularly hard week for Fred and me. At one point, seeing the marks of searing pain on Fred’s face (again), I was overcome by the sense that all of his worst suffering in life was because of me. (Maybe not entirely because of me, since, sure, I know my theology and I know we have three real enemies: Satan, the world, our flesh. …

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