Hope in Suffering
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The Struggle with Perspective
“When hope fades, cynicism is often waiting in the wings. And this is indeed one of the great challenges of our time. Skepticism (there is nothing good and I know it) and cynicism (I can’t trust anybody or anything and I know this) seem reasonable choices. But is this a necessary outcome or orientation for us? I think not … The Scriptures open up for us a view of the world that is very different. There is a God. This God is the creator, and He is personal, loving, willful, and particular. We see that despite being a good creation, a disruption and disorder has occurred and the drama of…
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You can tell me a hundred times not to take it personally, but by that time, I probably already am.
Years ago (I often hold sensitive topics that involve other people for months or even years before writing publicly on them because I always want to guard confidentiality), I received what can only be described as an extremely critical email from a stranger. For whatever reason, she felt quite confident in not only her own abilities and insights, but also in the appropriateness of her sharing those insights with me. This was not a conversation or even an invitation to a conversation—the was all one-directional: “Tara. I have observed this about you and I’m going to tell you a whole bunch of things about you now—all things that are weaknesses about…
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Easter Makes Me Think of Death—But That’s OK
Our Easter this year will be a very strange one. Rather than church services and corporate hymns (“Christ has Arisen, Alleluia!” and “Christ the Lord is Risen Today!”), our family will be 50 feet under the ocean enjoying a strangely-timed (but I’m sure enjoyable) SCUBA trip. Still. It’s Easter Week. And that means I’ve been thinking through our Lord’s final steps on this planet. (Maundy Thursday wasn’t just a packing day to me.) And Easter, as always, will not only turn my heart towards the Triune God with my life-long desire to be with him, Easter will first turn my heart towards death. My heart grieves on Easter Day because it was…
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The Last Words My Mother Ever Said to Me (This is a Sad/Disturbing Post That You May Want to Skip)
A few days before the one year anniversary of my mother’s passing, I wrote this post. I still miss her every day. *** In a few days, it will be one year since my mother passed away. In general, I’m in a very happy and relaxed state this Advent and it is a sweet Christmas season for our young family. (Ella is the only person I have ever met who genuinely lights up with deep joy at Christmas decorations in the MALL because she just loves the red and green and sparkles and FUN so much. Her enthusiasm is definitely infectious and we’re all pretty jolly around here. In general.) But every once in…
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Turning and Facing the Specifics of My Assault. (A brief primer on trauma recovery and anniversary dates …)
Last Spring, when my trauma counselor first gave me a homework assignment that included me figuring out the exact date of my sexual assault last fall, I instinctively recoiled and said, “No way!” I was in counseling to get over this terrible thing that happened to me. I didn’t want to focus on it. But, of course, my very wise and experienced counselor knew far more than I did about how God has created by our bodies and souls, and specifically how the physiological and emotional responses to trauma often intermix and follow certain patterns. For example, many trauma survivors experience increasing distress around anniversary dates and other exposures to specific numbers tied…
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How Fred Responded When I Asked Him Last Week if I Had Ruined His Life
Last week was a particularly hard week for Fred and me. At one point, seeing the marks of searing pain on Fred’s face (again), I was overcome by the sense that all of his worst suffering in life was because of me. (Maybe not entirely because of me, since, sure, I know my theology and I know we have three real enemies: Satan, the world, our flesh. I know we live in a fallen world that truly is not the way it’s supposed to be. I can pass the Sunday School test. But in that horrible moment of overwhelmingly self-critical thinking, I forget what I “know” [gnosis] because I don’t really “know” [epignosis] it.) So there I sat, feeling…
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How to REALLY Help When Someone is in Crisis (Suffering Deep Pain)
A few hours after I posted my update about my sexual assault yesterday, it hit me that I shouldn’t have just stopped at the whole “it’s hard to know what to say or do” part of the discussion, because just before she went home to Glory after a long battle with cancer, one of my dearest friends (Ruth M.) gave me a list of ideas of things you can do when someone is in crisis / suffering deep pain. I’ve re-ordered things a bit (am I compulsive organizer or WHAT?) to group by genre … and the little subtitles are mine. (So blame me for the weird wording, not Ruth!) But if you have…
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I Bet I Was A Prayer Request Just Like That When I Was 13 Years Old (The Rich Tapestry of God’s Providence)
If you haven’t read this Tim Challies’ post, you really should. It is wonderful! The Rich Tapestry of God’s Providence It reminds me of five minutes I spent with a woman at my church after our service. She had given a prayer request during the service for a thirteen year-old girl she knows whose life situation is utterly chaotic: addict mother, no stable home, might have to move out of state to live with a father who has had no contact with her in years. This dear woman was not only concerned, she was trying to discern the role (if any) she and her her husband should play in this…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, Grace in Daily Life, Hope in Suffering, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Your Childhood Does Not Determine Your Life
This past weekend, Fred and I had more time than usual to just talk and visit. It was such a grace to me because I am currently so tired—tired to my bones tired (physically); tired and weeping a lot (emotionally) … intellectually, relationally … spent. So listening to Fred tell me new stories from his childhood—and replaying various moments from our courtship and falling in love season of life? Well. It was sweet and I am grateful. I am also grateful for just how much all of our discussions reminded me of the truth that I could never have experienced (almost!) twenty years of marriage and friendship and love with…
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Remembering As We Are Dying
Easter always makes me think a lot about death. Of course, Good Friday is the main impetus for my thoughts. The worst day ever, leading to the best day ever. But I also think about our second child who slipped from my womb the afternoon of Easter, 2007. The Day of Life reminds me of death. Every year. Plus, I miss my mom. Sure, she was all about the bonnets and the gloves and the bunnies—what we call “Springtime Fun” in our home (as opposed to the Real Easter). But it was still very spring-y and very fun. So I miss her smoker’s laugh at the girls’ egg-hunting, baskets-overflowing hilarity. I…