Eulogy for a Bad Mother

  • Actually Setting Your House in Order,  Eulogy for a Bad Mother

    What do you want us to do when your heart stops beating?

    I am a strong proponent of basic estate planning, including discussions and documents (powers of attorney / living wills) re: end-of-life decisions. It seems to me that being an adult means that you invest a little bit of time and money to keep track of (and distribute) your assets and liabilities, ensure clear guardianship for your minor children, and empower the people you want to handle medical and financial decisions for you in case of your incapacitation/death. And I’m not saying that just because I am an estate planning attorney. I sincerely think these things are important and worth the investment of time and money to have handled correctly. But today, in…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  Hope in Suffering,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    Our reactions to grievous wrongs are muddy, not tidy.

    Hot tears streamed down my face for three connecting flights as I traveled from Montana to Florida last week to serve at a women’s retreat. I didn’t make any sounds. No sobs. No words. But I must admit, I did feel badly for the elite flyers / business travelers seated around me. They were polite and didn’t acknowledge my soaking neck or my occasional brushes to my cheek with a tissue. But I knew full well that my actions and my emotional state were far beyond the bell curve of the normal million-miler frequent flyer pattern of Bose earphones, laptops, no eye contact, no chatting, and seriously! No crying! Oh well. There was…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  Grace in Daily Life

    Let me tell you just a SMIDGEN of the wonderful things about my mom …

    (I meant to have this done and posted by last week in honor of her birthday in 2011. But I found that as I remembered more and more happy memories—and as I was laid flat in bed all week feeling terrible—I just never got to the end of the first draft. So, here is a repost of the 2011 THANK YOU that I wrote for my beloved Mother and friend …) Happy (belated) Birthday, Mom! I love you! By God’s grace, and only because of my mom’s permission, I have shared pieces of our story with thousands of women at events (plus thousands more via my video series, books, radio…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  Hope in Suffering

    How to Write a Eulogy for a Bad Mother / a Mother Who Didn’t Love You

    (This is a re-post from 2013. To read more about this topic, I encourage you to read all of the posts in my “Eulogy for a Bad Mother” category. There aren’t many, but they may be helpful to you.) Tomorrow it will be four months to the day since my mother died. I cry less, but I still cry. My dreams are not as disturbed as they were at first—but I do still have those particularly troubling ones wherein I am leading my mother out of her nursing home and tucking her into the car to get her the heck away from there. And as I am doing so, I’m thinking to myself,…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    My (Potential) Eulogy for My Mother

    Having just tried to practice my mother’s eulogy out loud in the quietness of my hotel room; and having dissolved into tears. Again. I’m giving myself pretty much a 100% chance of not being able to get through it tomorrow morning at her memorial service. So, of course, I just asked my sister to promise to NOT make fun of the “professional speaker” who falls apart … and I thought it might be a good idea to post the content here so one day I can look back on what I meant to say. Tara Barthel’s Eulogy for her Mother Kathryn Kroncke Ford November 13, 1944 – December 18, 2012 My mother had…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    Should a Christian Put Up “Boundaries” with a Mentally Ill Addict (Who Happens to be Her Mother)?

    As a professional Christian mediator for over twenty years now, I have the privilege of participating in webinars with Christian conciliators from around the world. Yesterday, we discussed the topic of forgiveness and how hard it can for us to forgive and to help the parties we serve to forgive, especially when there are complicating factors like dangerous situation, active addictions, and undiagnosed/untreaated mental illnesses. One of the conciliators brought up the (oft’ popular) idea of “boundaries.” and whether we should, as Christian conciliators, be promoting “boundaries” with our clients. I’ve actually been thinking about this topic a lot lately because Words to Live By just sent me another letter giving me a heads-up that they will be…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  Hope in Suffering,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    “Sometimes even people who care an awful lot have other things on their mind …”

    As many of you have known for years (and as I have spoken of publicly only because my mother gave me her express permission to do so), my mother was a recovering alcoholic. “AA” (Alcoholics Anonymous) has been a tremendous evidence of God’s common grace in her life and truly, her closest friends here in Battle Creek, Michigan are friends she and Charlie made through AA. So we are particularly blessed to have their help and creative generosity in planning the service we will share this coming Saturday morning to honor my mother’s memory: An Open Memorial Speaker Meeting in Honor of Kathy Kroncke Ford To be held Saturday, December…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    My Testimony on the “Radio” (available online) March 10-11, 2018

    I was just notified that my testimony will be aired again tomorrow and Sunday (March 10-11, 2018) on the “radio.” (What does one even call the “radio” that is on the internet now? I have no idea. But I think you can also listen on actual radios if you have this program in your location.) Here is the online link in case you would like to listen in: Our Daily Bread – Words to Live By – I am His Child ** PLEASE NOTE ** Although my mother and I were completely reconciled before her death, we had some challenging years in there, especially when I was little. (There is a reason…

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  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Redemptive Relationships,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    Back When I Really Didn’t Care if My Mother Went to Hell

    I usually share bits and pieces of my testimony whenever I speak at women’s retreats and conferences. (If you’re curious, you can hear my testimony, a Christmas keynote on “Peace at the Holidays,” and a bunch of other teachings for free on this “FREE AUDIO DOWNLOADS” page of my website.) And afterwards, I am almost always asked the same question: How did you ever START to build a real relationship with your (mentally ill, addict/drunk) mother who (sometimes intentionally but more often than not inadvertently) treated you so neglectfully / abusively / just downright terribly for so many years?  I have thought and prayed for YEARS about a blog series on this…

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  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  Hope in Suffering,  Relationships & Peacemaking

    Don’t Kid Yourself — Parents Die

      (A repost from 2013.) Thanks to my astoundingly generous sister, I have had an iPhone for one year now. She bought it for me mostly because it was the same cost as renting a GPS for me for one of my events that required me to drive—and she knows that I am the MOST spatially-confused human on the planet. I get lost in my own neighborhood, more or less navigating in a new, large city. Sixteen lanes of 75 mph traffic doesn’t bother me—I am a confident and competent driver—but trying to be “in my map” and figure out whether I’m supposed to turn left or right? Well. It’s…

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