• Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    Should a Christian Put Up “Boundaries” with a Mentally Ill Addict (Who Happens to be Her Mother)?

    As a professional Christian mediator for over twenty years now, I have the privilege of participating in webinars with Christian conciliators from around the world. Yesterday, we discussed the topic of forgiveness and how hard it can for us to forgive and to help the parties we serve to forgive, especially when there are complicating factors like dangerous situation, active addictions, and undiagnosed/untreaated mental illnesses. One of the conciliators brought up the (oft’ popular) idea of “boundaries.” and whether we should, as Christian conciliators, be promoting “boundaries” with our clients. I’ve actually been thinking about this topic a lot lately because Words to Live By just sent me another letter giving me a heads-up that they will be…

  • Eulogy for a Bad Mother,  Hope in Suffering,  How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict,  Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse

    “Sometimes even people who care an awful lot have other things on their mind …”

    As many of you have known for years (and as I have spoken of publicly only because my mother gave me her express permission to do so), my mother was a recovering alcoholic. “AA” (Alcoholics Anonymous) has been a tremendous evidence of God’s common grace in her life and truly, her closest friends here in Battle Creek, Michigan are friends she and Charlie made through AA. So we are particularly blessed to have their help and creative generosity in planning the service we will share this coming Saturday morning to honor my mother’s memory: An Open Memorial Speaker Meeting in Honor of Kathy Kroncke Ford To be held Saturday, December…

  • Avoiding Inadvertent Retraumatization,  Child Protection / Abuse in the Church,  Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Trauma Recovery

    God has called us to look at our own shortcomings as pastors. He has allowed us to seek and receive forgiveness from those we have failed.

    For every Christian family that has been attacked or abandoned by local church leaders … can you imagine what it would be like for your (heartbroken) children to hear these words from their former shepherd-overseers? For the pastor’s wife who saw her husband ripped apart by fellow ordained leaders? The traumatized woman retraumatized by the very men who had sworn before God to protect her … Listen to the balm in Gilead! See what fresh air, light, repentance, and LOVE do to the boiling caldron of acidic grief and pain that is the result of your wounding words, actions, and inactions. It’s not too late. You can face what you…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts

    One Danger You Must Avoid at ALL Costs — Regular Church Attendance

    Yes, yes. Kevin DeYoung is really gaining on Ed Welch as my favorite contemporary author. I love all of his writings (both online and in print), but this classic (written in the voice of a C.S. Lewis letter to Wormwood) is particularly appropriate this month for all of us who are celebrating our beloved high school graduates: A Lost Letter to Wormwood Here is just a snippet to tempt you: “Your subject is now enrolled in what the earth world calls ‘college.’ I do not need to remind you what splendid opportunities these places afford us. But there is one particular danger, and you must see to it that it…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships

    Are your relationships otiose? (Vain. Ineffective. Of no use.)

    Q. How can church-going Christians truly build the “ties that bind” and cultivate “the unity of the Spirit through the bonds of peace?” through intimate, safe, authentic relationships that will persevere through conflict? A. “Where a people prays, there is the church; and where the church is; there is never loneliness.” “It’s much easier for me to imagine a praying murderer, a praying prostitute, than a vain person praying. Nothing is so at odds with prayer as vanity.” These statements begin chapter 5 of the wonderful book I am presently reading: Eric Metaxas’ biography Bonhoeffer. They are taken from a journal entry that the 22 year-old German theologian, Bonhoeffer, wrote…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts,  Redemptive Relationships

    There is one among us who loves the antithesis of faith that destructive church conflict is (Rev. 12:9).

    Destructive church conflict causes pain … to God. Of course, it causes pain to the people going through the church conflict too. But the pain of the antithesis to our faith is felt most by God. When his eternal children live in the church as if their faith made little or no difference, His warning, “If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other (Gal. 5:15),” is tragically fulfilled. What does it look like when we respond to church conflict with an antithesis to our faith? What can now be seen trumps what is unseen. The temporal is of greater…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts

    The Peacemaking Church by Pastor Curtis Heffelfinger

    Guess what? I get to help you with your Christmas shopping this year and it’s only April 10! Last week, I had the great privilege of reviewing Pastor Curtis Heffelfinger’s manuscript for The Peacemaking Church and I think this book is going to make a perfect gift for the Christians in your life who care about resolving conflict and preserving unity in their churches. Baker Books shows its release date as being November 20, 2018–so please make a note for your shopping list for November 20th, or pop on over to Amazon and place your pre-order right now. (No. No. I’m not a paid spokesperson and I get absolutely no personal benefit from encouraging…

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  • Redeeming Church Conflicts

    The leaders don’t help them to fulfill their membership vows? They should close their church doors! That’s not REALLY a church!

    For many years, I had the joy of serving young children in our church co-op’s Theology class. We discussed the sermon, prayed for our leaders, sang a hymn (all five verses), practiced our Catechism, worked on memorizing various creeds and confessions (and we’re working on memorizing the book of Philippians), and studied systematic theology using Bruce Ware’s Big Truths for Young Hearts. In one of our discussions, we talked about church discipline / ecclesiastical authority. I gave the hypothetical: What if I (Mrs. Barthel) was caught in sin and I REFUSED to repent. What would Mr. Barthel do? (“He would get help,” said the kids.) What might that look like?…

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  • Ken Sande - Relational Wisdom 360,  Redemptive Relationships,  Relationships & Peacemaking

    Tim Challies’ Review of Peacemaking Women

    Of all the reviews I have received over the years,  The Discerning Reader / Tim Challies review of my first book, Peacemaking Women, is one of my favorites. I am honored that he lists this book as “recommended” because I have found the majority of his writings to be Christ-exalting, gospel-centered, biblically-faithful, winsome and WISE. If you’re interested, I hope you’ll check it out. You can also read what other Christian leaders have said about Peacemaking Women on its endorsement page. Here are a few excerpts: Ken Sande: “Peacemaking Women is a life-changing book. It contains a wealth of wisdom and encouragement for women who want to learn how to turn any conflict into an opportunity…

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  • Grace in Daily Life,  Perfectionism & Shame

    The Cross Propitiated God

    On Good Friday, I would like to share with you some of my notes from studying Romans 2 & 3 in my ESV Reformation Study Bible. I have been particularly blessed by a number of the study notes in this fine resource … In a Romans study note entitled, “Mankind’s Guilty Knowledge of God,” the editors write: “God will not allow human beings to suppress entirely their sense of God and of His judgment. Some sense of right and wrong, as well as of accountability to God, always remains. Even in the fallen world everyone is endowed with a conscience that from time to time condemns them, telling them that…

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