Perfectionism & Shame

Beyond healing?

Today I leave on another trip out of state. This one is strange for me, however, and I am not feeling good about it. Pretty much every single thing I will do over the next five days is unknown to me–way out of my comfort zone. I can’t picture it. I can’t imagine what will happen, who I will meet, how I will have the opportunity to serve.

(I can, however, imagine in living color many of the mistakes I might make, stupid things I might say, ridiculously foolish things I might do — all trying to love well and honor God, but failing miserably.)

So why go? Because God calls me.
What if I spill something? Won’t be the first time.
Fall in a mud puddle? Again, not the first time.
Forget someone’s name? A normal part of my life.
Say something stupid? Ditto ditto. Been there, done that.
Try hard and fail? Really, this is getting too repetitive.

O God, please help me to turn the volume down (or destroy the tape altogether!) of these voices that cry out, “Failure! Idiot! Bad!” Silence them with Your Word, I pray.

You do not crush a bruised reed.
You do not quench that tiny spark of spiritual life left within my needy heart.
I am crushed by my failures. I despair of my own wisdom or resources to make anything worthwhile out of life.

O Lord, please comfort me with your tender care.
Forgive all my sins, I pray.
 Heal me, I beg.

As Pastor Piper reminds us all, “I am never beyond healing unless I am beyond humbling.”

Your humbling, winnowing fire burns!
I am crushed almost to death by the weight of my inadequacies and the graceless rejection of people I long to trust and love.

But You do not reject your children.

Thank you, God.
Thank you that even I am not beyond healing, for my soul finds rest in You alone.
My only comfort is in You.
And though I deserve Your wrath and condemnation, You forgive the guilt of my sins.

Amen and amen.

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I hope you will be encouraged by Pastor John Piper’s entire sermon … it was such a comfort to me this morning …

The Spirit Is Upon Him Gentle for Now