-
Is it an idol?
Yesterday, Sophia Grace (my sixteen month old) learned the word, “Mine!” So now I have front row seats to a dramatic, live production of James 4, verses 1-3: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something and do not get it. So you kill and you covet because you do not get what you want.” In this passage, James reminds us that, so often, when our desires (even good desires) are elevated to demands, and our demands are not met, we will often punish the people in our lives. In effect, we sacrifice them on the altar of…
-
I Am a Horrible Person!
Last night I was crushed by my own sins and inadequacies. As Fred and I went to bed, I kept repeating to him, ‘I am a horrible person! I am. I really am. I am just a rotten, horrible person.’ And I felt it. Reflecting on my day—all of the times I was tempted to hold a grudge, the ways I should have been more disciplined and wasn’t, how scared I was at the thought of tackling some big projects before me (where is my faith??)—I was just disgusted. And sad. ‘I am such a horrible person!’ I cried out—over and over again. How did Fred respond? Did he say,…
-
Grace For Those Who Hurt Us?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is to give grace to people, especially Christians, who hurt us. I see this in my own heart and it (rightfully) shames me. Why is it that I can share the gospel of grace with unbelievers, with family members who hurt and reject me for decades, and with strangers … but when it comes to that sister in Christ, or that pastor—the one who has hurt me and “repented,” but our relationship is still strained … why do I struggle to live grace, acceptance, genuine kindness, mercy, and love to them? -Is it because I want them to hurt like…
-
Tara, You Can’t Grade Your Own Report Card
Back in grad school, I once had the privilege of serving a wonderful pastor who was beginning a new ministry. Fred and I respected this man greatly and was thrilled to get to work for him. I remember one day he said to me, “Tara, you don’t get to grade your own report card. Let Freddy and I do that.” He said this because he observed me being very down on myself. Very self-critical. Always seeing the worst in me, my failings, my weaknesses, my horribleness—never giving myself a break as it were. He wanted to encourage me to think more rightly about myself. (Not to dismiss our total depravity,…
-
Only Christ Satisfies
My wonderful pastor recently reminded me of something I shared with him months ago … I was having a stressed-out, exhausting day and to try to “soothe my harried soul”, I began picking up and organizing. (Some of you might find that strange, but for those of you–like me–who find a trip to OfficeMax or the Container Store to be fun fun fun, you know what I mean.) Anyway, as I was straightening and organizing and working on my “lists of lists”, it hit me that maybe, perhaps, just maybe, I should pray. You know, actually turn to the Lord instead of to organizing to try to regain some calm…
-
When Someone Mistreats You
Earlier this week, I was hurt by a friend. My hope and expectation was that she would demonstrate her care for me by asking about my life, giving me a quick call, or just dropping me a note to say hello. Instead, it seemed as though every interaction I had with her was “task related.” That is, she would ask me about something, for something, or just reply to kind of a work-related request of my own. Of course, it’s nice to have people treat us well by taking an interest in our lives. But when that “good good” becomes an idolatrous demand (“You’d better treat me well or else…
-
Don’t delay!
Last night I had a disturbing dream about a certain person with whom I have a relatively strained relationship. I would like to have a better relationship with her, but honestly, I don’t. In the dream, I was yelling at her and speaking rudely to her in a harsh, critical, and judgmental manner. And then she died. Right then. Right after I was treating her so unlovingly. I remember in the dream trying to defend myself to the people around me: “She came around and forgave me right before she died!” I self-protectively explained. (Yeah, right. I just didn’t want people to think less of me–even in my dreams, my…
-
Though He slay me …
I woke up yesterday with a heavy heart because my dear friend was scheduled for a radical mastectomy that morning. I thought of her all day long and prayed for her. And finally, in the evening, I got to speak with her. Do you know what she said to me? A single woman, godly, beautiful—found out ten days ago she has breast cancer, now in the midst of surgery and scheduling chemo and radiation—what did she say to me? ‘It was such a good day, Tara.’ And then she proceeded to retell all of God’s blessings throughout the day. I woke up this morning with greater faith in the…
-
Fight Number 37
My husband Fred and I don’t have many fights. We just have the same fights over and over and over again. “Oh, yeah, here comes fight number 37, whipping around the bend … we know this script by heart …” – He tries to say something important but doesn’t quite get the words right. – I’m ‘the verbal one’ and words are important to me. His words, meant to bless, hurt me. – He tries to clarify and “fix things.” – This comes across as backpedaling and feels insincere to me. (I.e., “You must have really meant what you said the first time because otherwise why would you have said…
-
The Blessing of a Specific Confrontation
I learned recently that I had hurt a friend of mine years ago. I was surprised and immediately contacted her to try to work through the conflict. We had a difficult, but good, conversation and thought we had left reconciled. After a few weeks, I touched base with her again (she lives out of state so I don’t see her regularly) — just to see how we were doing and find out if there was anything further I could do to pursue peace between us. In our second conversation, she graciously shared with me that as she reflected on the offense and our recent conversation, she realized that she did…
