• Relationships & Peacemaking

    When to be silent? When to counsel?

    I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I interact with friends and acquaintances. Specifically, when might it be the most God-honoring and loving thing to do to remain silent (supportive, encouraging, loving–but “non-confrontational”), and when it is that I might be called to gently speak Truth (counsel the Word). Let me give you an example … I’m having lunch with a friend and it is obvious that she is bitter. I mean really angry, grouchy, judgmental, complaining–mad. As she shares her story, there is no mention of God, other than in disdainful and complaining ways. (“God is sure great to you and everyone else, but look at my horrible…

  • Sin & Repentance

    The Heaviness of Sin & The Hope of Forgiveness

    Last night I had to have a serious talk with my husband, Fred. I had known for a long time that I needed to confess some things to him–but I was dreading it and didn’t want to face up to the blackness of my wicked heart. So I avoided the conversation and grew more burdened and depressed with each passing day. I had a hard time worshipping God. My time in the Word grew shorter and shorter. I felt disconnected from my husband and friends. (Wonder why?!) And I was just basically in the pit. Sad, dark, weary, lonely pit. Thank God! ‘When I kept silent, my bones wasted away…

  • Grace in Daily Life

    Overwhelmed? Try organizing. Or prayer.

    Last week I completely lost it. Internally at least — I was just freaking out. (Funny — I’m sort of feeling that way this morning too.) Anyway, things were swirling & swirling, it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get on top of anything. I knew how I should have been (calm, happy, joyful, hopeful, godly, warm, loving, patient …), but I could barely breathe! My failures only intensified my messed-up heart. So what did I do? I grabbed my husband’s worship music folder and organized it. Yup. Right there in the midst of the storm — did I help with dinner, visit with guests,…

  • Hope in Suffering

    Different Responses to Suffering

    When I have the privilege of teaching on biblical peacemaking, I always have the concurrent privilege of visiting and praying with people who are suffering. Conflict & suffering go hand in hand — and I spend my breaks, meal times, and late nights seeking the Lord with hurting Believers. Last night I was struck again by how varied our responses to conflict and suffering can be. I was spending time with some friends and we were discussing our pastor’s sermon from last Sunday. (He is currently preaching on Habakkuk — so as you might imagine, we are deep into the topic of suffering.) As we began the conversation, I was…

  • Relationships & Peacemaking

    Hold on Book!

    This week, my best friend Samara totally cracked me up with a story about her two-year old daughter, Scout. It seems that Scout has taken to saying, “Too fast! Too fast!” whenever they are driving in the car. Now, my friend is a careful driver and I seriously doubt that she is driving too fast. (In addition to Scout, she has their precious little eight-week-old son, William, in the car too. So I’m sure she’s being wise with her driving speed.) But one day Samara took a corner a little too sharply and she heard this cry from Scout’s carseat as her Dr. Seuss almost went flying: “Hold on, book!”…

  • Singleness & Marriage

    Miserable Christian Marriages

    Lately, my pastor and I have been mediating a number of conflicted marriages. It is heartbreaking too work with these couples. They love the Lord, love their children … and cannot stand one another. Instead of demonstrating to the world the relationship of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5), their marital relationship is filled with bitterness, rage, and mutual disgust. There is so much to say on this topic (I’ve even been thinking about writing a book on Miserable Christian Marriages) — but I only have a few minutes before I have to start getting our family ready for church, so I’ll bottomline the thoughts that were bouncing around in…

  • Relationships & Peacemaking

    The Myth of Chronic Uniqueness

    After listening to me end a retreat session with something I say at almost every event, a professional counselor came up to me and taught me a new term: chronic uniqueness. You see, when I teach on how the Gospel of Jesus Christ applies to broken relationships, struggles with perfectionism and control, living for people’s approval, God’s bitter providence, idolatry of food, self-condemnation, shame, fear, depression, etc. etc. etc., I almost always hear some variation of the same theme: “Tara, I could totally relate to what you were talking about. I am just like you! But there is no one here (i.e., in my church, in my women’s ministry) who…

  • Hope in Suffering

    Grace Cannot Coexist with Bitterness

    Our family loves, prays for, and supports a Youth for Christ missionary by the name of Ajith Fernando. To us, Ajith and his family members are heroes of the faith. Their sacrifice and service would be impossible to measure outside of eternity. I love his writings and it is a joy to serve him even in some small way. Today, his letter to his supporters included an essay on pain, anger, and grace. In it, he wrote: “Grace must soften our hearts so that more grace can enter in, making us gracious and taking away that destructive attitude of anger that looks at life saying, ‘I have been wronged.’ Such…